Ready to shove some holiday cheer up somebody’s ass?
Do so with one of these four bizarro Christmas classics.
Bizarro Christmas Books
Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, Christmas boks on December 9, 2011 by carltonmellickComplete List of 2011 Deadite Press Releases
Posted in brian keene, deadite press, extreme horror, horror, Uncategorized on December 2, 2011 by carltonmellickDeadite Press, the cult horror imprint of Eraserhead Press, exploded in 2011. Here is a list of all 24 titles published this year.
BizarroCon Reports
Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Events, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, Uncategorized on November 30, 2011 by carltonmellick
BizarroCon was about a week or so ago and I’m still riding the high caused by this awesome event. For those of you who don’t know, BizarroCon is an annual four day meetup of about 80 writers and artists involved in the Bizarro Fiction genre. We get together at Edgefield Manor outside of Portland, OR, which is also a brewery, winery, distillery. It’s four days full of parties, workshops, crazy performances, readings, networking, brainstorming, and planning the future of the bizarro fiction genre. If you’re a writer of bizarro fiction, it’s something you should be going to every single year.
I didn’t write a con report for this year’s bizarrocon, but I recommend checking out these con reports from other attendees:
Sam Reeve’s Top 10 Highlights of Bizarrocon 2011
David W Barbee’s Fast Times at BizarroCon ’11
Brian Keene’s BizarroCon report
Spike Marlowe’s report
A complete list of my books published in 2011
Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, Uncategorized on November 29, 2011 by carltonmellickFor those of you who haven’t been following my releases, here’s a list of all of my books published in 2011:
Aramdillo Fists is due out soon, but probably not until after Christmas. Then Handsome Squirm will likely come out soon after that. However, these two are not yet available.
It’s been a productive year. 7 are new titles, 5 are reprints. Next year will likely be just as productive.
OUT NOW: “Sea of the Patchwork Cats” re-issue
Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, end of the world, Fiction, surrealism on November 25, 2011 by carltonmellick
Everyone in the world committed suicide at the same time . . .
Thus begins the surreal tale of an old man living alone in an empty world after everyone else on Earth killed themselves for no particular reason at all. In search for other survivors, he drifts in a floating house out to sea until he comes to a mysterious structure in the middle of the ocean. It is a building shaped like two giant nude women conjoined at the back. And issuing from a lighted window, echoing on the ghostly wind, is the sound of hundreds of meowing patchwork cats.
Sea of the Patchwork Cats is a sad dreamlike tale set in the quiet ashes of the human race. A must-read for Mellick enthusiasts who also adore The Twilight Zone.
Available at amazon.com
COMING SOON: “Armadillo Fists” and “The Handsome Squirm”
Posted in Bizarro Books, Carlton Mellick III on October 4, 2011 by carltonmellick
Out Now: “I KNOCKED UP SATAN’S DAUGHTER” – a demonic romantic comedy
Posted in Bizarro Books, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press on September 19, 2011 by carltonmellick
I KNOCKED UP SATAN’S DAUGHTER: A DEMONIC ROMANTIC COMEDY
Jonathan Vandervoo lives a carefree life in a house made of legos, spending his days building lego sculptures and his nights getting drunk with his only friend-an alcoholic sumo wrestler named Shoji. It’s a pleasant life with no responsibility, until the day he meets Lici. She’s a soul-sucking demon from hell with red skin, glowing eyes, a forked tongue, and pointy red devil horns… and she happens to be nine months pregnant with Jonathan’s baby.
Now Jonathan must do the right thing and marry the succubus or else her demonic family is going to rip his heart out through his ribcage and force him to endure the worst torture hell has to offer for the rest of eternity. But can Jonathan really love a fire-breathing, frog-eating, cold-blooded demoness? Or would eternal damnation be preferable? Either way, the big day is approaching. And once Jonathan’s conservative Christian family learns their son is about to marry a spawn of Satan, it’s going to be all-out war between demons and humans, with Jonathan and his hell-born bride caught in the middle.
I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter is an adorable, violent, fantastical love story. A romantic comedy for the bizarro fiction reader.
Available at amazon.com
OUT NOW: “Fantastic Orgy”
Posted in Uncategorized on September 13, 2011 by carltonmellickMy first story collection in ten years, Fantastic Orgy, is finally available. This one features one novella and four longish short stories.
Shark Sex, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases.
Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmitted diseases are more extreme and bizarre. Not exactly diseases anymore, they are more like sexually transmitted body modifications. There’s an STD that changes your hair color, an STD that causes your toes to grow larger, one causes you to grow extra breasts on your body, another causes your skin to grow long metal spikes, and there’s an especially annoying STD that causes you to ejaculate miniature eyeballs.
Tonight is Share Your STD Night at the Demon Seed Swingers Club. Although most members of society fear the idea of contracting these diseases, there are some underground deviants who embrace them. They believe the diseases make them strange, unique, and beautiful. So they come together once a month to trade their wonderful STDs with each other in a surreal, fantastical orgy. However, tonight will not be like other nights. There’s a new disease spreading through the sex club, a disease that causes people to become rabid bloodthirsty killing machines. As the infected rampage through the Demon Seed, the survivors realize there’s only one thing they can do to survive the night: turn their grotesque STDs into deadly super weapons.
Also featuring the short stories:
“Candy-Coated” – A buff dude with a lollipop for a head has a hard time picking up the laydaaays due to all of the bearded truckers who keep trying to lick his head.
“Ear Cat” – A Kitty of the Month Club selection gone horribly wrong.
“City Hobgoblins” – A member of a punk rock band falls in love with a shark-like creature. (a prequel to the cult novel Satan Burger)
“Porno in August” – A group of porn actors find themselves floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to remember who they are or why they are there. (Chosen for The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror)
Now available at amazon.com
Call for submissions: “THE BIBLE PART II: The Long-Awaited Sequel to the #1 Bestselling Bizarro Fiction Novel of All Time!”
Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, eraserhead press, Fiction on July 25, 2011 by carltonmellick
I’m looking for bizarro short stories 2,000 – 8,000 words for the upcoming anthology “THE BIBLE PART II: The Long-Awaited Sequel to the #1 Bestselling Bizarro Fiction Novel of All Time!”.
The stories should be crazy bizarro fiction sequels to stories from the bible (old or new testament), or they should be completely original modern day biblical stories. Imagine if Michael Bay directed a crappy big budget Hollywood sequel to the Bible, with tons of over-the-top special effects, machine guns, explosions, motorcycles, sexy characters, and ridiculous plots. That’s the kind of thing I’m looking for. And, of course, I’d like them funny and weird.
Send a query to me at carltonmellick3 (at) yahoo.com with an idea for a story. Pitch me your idea in a paragraph or less. Include a bio. I’d like you to do this so that A) you don’t have to write it if I’m not going to be interested in the concept and B) I don’t want multiple people doing the same types of stories. Send multiple story pitches if you like.
Deadline for pitches: September 1st
Deadline for submissions: November 1st
Remember: The more ridiculous the better. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
-CM3
OUT NOW: “Zombies and Shit” re-issue with a new introduction by Brian Keene
Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, deadite press, eraserhead press on July 20, 2011 by carltonmellickThe re-issue of my bizarro zombie novel, Zombies and Shit, is now available. This edition comes with a new introduction by horror master BRIAN KEENE. Other than that, this edition has a new cover design and, uh … better copy editing!
Battle Royale meets Return of the Living Dead in this post-apocalyptic action adventure.
Twenty people wake to find themselves in a boarded-up building in the middle of the zombie wasteland. They soon discover they have been chosen as contestants on a popular reality show called Zombie Survival. Each contestant is given a backpack of supplies and a unique weapon. Their goal: be the first to make it through the zombie-plagued city to the pick-up zone alive. But because there’s only one seat available on the helicopter, the contestants not only have to fight against the hordes of the living dead, they must also fight each other.
Zombies and Shit is Mellick’s craziest book to date. A campy, trashy, punk rock gore fest that is as funny as it is brutal, as sad as it is strange. An edge-of-your-seat thrill ride that twists the zombie genre into something you’ve never seen before, but always wanted to.
“For fans of zombie fiction, this is an absolute MUST FUCKING READ!” – JEFF BURK, author of Shatnerquake
“It’s fucking exhilarating–a tight, breakneck narrative and lots of awesome ultra-violence and quirky, distinct characters.” – BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising and Dead Sea
“Unlike any zombie apocalypse novel you’ve ever read, Zombies and Shit takes the zombie mythology and reimagines it in a brutal reality game show like no other. Filled with sentient zombies, zombie smart cars, mechanized zombie dogs, and a cybernetic Mr. T, Zombies and Shit is part Running Man, part Battle Royale, part Lost, and all Carlton Mellick III.” – S. G. BROWNE, author of Breathers
Carlton Mellick III 