Archive for March, 2010

“Sunset with a Beard” re-release now available

Posted in Bizarro Books on March 31, 2010 by carltonmellick


A girl who can bring any object to life with her kiss, a disease that causes people to melt into rainbow-swirling liquids, a world where people need to carry their souls around in little jars, a farmer with nails for eyes who grows a crop of human hands, a war against aliens from the afterlife, a girl who has living worlds tattooed on her arms, and a man who arrives in New York City to discover that all of the inhabitants are missing their mouths.

“Sunset with a Beard” is Carlton Mellick III’s first collection of short stories. This edition features the original 14 stories of surreal science-fiction, with five bonus stories that were cut from the original release.

Now available at

Patrick Wensink interview

Posted in Bizarro Authors on March 24, 2010 by carltonmellick

New Bizarro Author Series writer Patrick Wensink was just interview by Leo Weekly here:

Leo Weekly

Here’s an excerpt:

LEO: What kind of person reads bizarro fiction? Is there a community out there?

Patrick Wensink: I’m actually learning this right now, by going to bizarro conventions and meeting the other writers on the press. There isn’t one type of person who is into it — younger people, older people, etc., even conservatives. I think mostly it’s people who are looking for something different. My publisher says she looks for a book that will make people say, “Oh my god, I can’t believe someone made a book about this.” It has to be weird but original. Not just weird for weird’s sake.

Satan Burger fan art by Ryan Ward

Posted in art, Bizarro Artists, Bizarro Books on March 23, 2010 by carltonmellick

Ryan Ward did some images for my book “Satan Burger” recently. Check them out! I love fan art.

Click the image to enlarge.

A blue woman:

A scorpion fly:


A shoe spider:

Coming Soon: “Sunset with a Beard” re-release

Posted in Bizarro Books on March 19, 2010 by carltonmellick

The Eraserhead release of “Sunset with a Beard” should be available by the end of the month. This version will include 5 extra stories that were cut from the original release.

THE MAGAZINE OF BIZARRO FICTION: issue #3 now available

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction on March 19, 2010 by carltonmellick

The third issue of The Magazine of Bizarro Ficton is available now. It contains the following awesome stuff:

Magazine of Bizarro Fiction Issue Three CoverFICTION

Migration by James Steele
The touching story of father, son, and snowmen.

Re-Mancipator by Garrett Cook
The rampaging hordes of cannibalistic Lincolns must die!

What the Cat Dragged In by Monica J. O’Rourke
A couple, a cat, and a whole bunch of dead things.

Artists Only by Cody Goodfellow
Ass towers, trendy skin suits, and giant sea scorpions. It’s the social event of the year!

Neptune Blues by Bruce Taylor
Love and interstellar travel really aren’t that different.


16 Poems by Kevin L. Donihe
Bunnies, bill collectors, and LSD.


Ogner Stump by Andrew Goldfarb
What sorrow awaits Ogner Stump in this adventure?

Zombie-A-Go-Go by Richard Tingley
Coming soon to a theater near you! Maybe not…


Prison Gigolos and the President: Author Spotlight on John Edward Lawson by Jeff Burk
A career overview and analysis of John Edward Lawson

Pat, the Prison and the Pants by Patrick Wensik
A gonzo bizarro tour of the Oregon State Penitentiary

The Grubby Bits: Artist Profile on Jase Daniels by Forrest Armstrong
Frequent collaborator, Forrest Armstrong, dissects the work of bizarro artist Jase Daniels

How Mary Lou Retton’s Bladder Ruined the State Fair by Patrick Wensink
Rednecks and piss at the Oregon State Fair


A Rant from the Editor
Free books, yay!

Bizarro Book Reviews by Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce, and Bob Chaplin
Reviews of Super Fetus by Adam Pepper, Archelon Ranch by Garrett Cook, Zerostrata by Andersen Prunty, The Egg Man by Carlton Mellick III, Ultra Fuckers by Carlton Mellick III, House of Houses by Kevin L. Donihe, Adolf in Wonderland by Carlton Mellick III, Vacation by Jeremy C. Shipp, Jack and Mr. Grin by Andersen Prunty, and Tangerinephant by Kevin Dole 2.

The Bizarro Books That Never Were: Skin House Calling by Cameron Pierce
The lost book of Cameron Pierce.

Cover Art by Carlton Mellick III
Interior Art by Angie Molinar
Editor-In-Chief : Jeff Burk

Buy from Amazon here.

Rotten Little Animals review

Posted in Bizarro Books on March 19, 2010 by carltonmellick

This is a review of the new bizarro author series book “Rotten Little Animals”  by Kevin Shamel, done by Christy Leigh Stewart in a Reading Rainbow parody sketch.  I thought it was pretty funny so I had to post it.

New “Choose Your Own Adventure” parody: Super Giant Monster Time!

Posted in Bizarro Books on March 17, 2010 by carltonmellick

It’s finally happened! The “Choose Your Own Mind-fuck Fest” series, which was originally a fake never-actually-going-to-happen-outside-of-one-book series that parodied the old “Choose Your Own Adventure” children’s books has actually become a reality. It all started with Ocean of Lard, which I co-wrote with Kevin L. Donihe. We never intended to actually create a new series with this book, which is why the book is #17 in the series rather than #1. But now it has happened. Numbers 1-16 are to be coming out in random order, starting with #3: “Super Giant Monster Time!” by Jeff Burk. I do plan to write more books in this series, as will several other bizarro writers and possibly some horror writers. But as with all series, the continuation of this depends on the success of the most currently released book, so if you’d like to see more bizarro Choose Your Own Adventure parodies in the future then check this one out now:


Super Giant Monster Time!
(Choose Your Own Mind Fuck Fest #3)

by Jeff Burk

illustrated by Chrissy Horchheimer

Will you escape the giant monsters that are rampaging the fuck out of your city?

Aliens are invading the Earth and their ray guns turn people into violent punk rockers. At the same time, the city is being overtaken by giant monsters tougher than Godzilla and Mothra combined. You can choose to be a lone scientist trapped in a secret government lab on a remote island swarming with monstrous killer insects, a badass punk rock chick with a green mohawk caught in a bar room brawl as the city goes up in flames around her, or a desk jockey forced to endure tedious office duties while his building is being attacked by a gargantuan centipede with claws the size of sports utility vehicles. Which character will you become?

To become the scientist, turn to page 149. To become the punk chick, turn to page 11. To become the office drone, turn to page 77. But choose wisely! You might conquer a fleet of alien saucers with the help of a high-flying monster-slicing super cat or drown in a giant monster’s pool of sperm as it butt-fucks your office building.

What will happen next? That’s up to you! When the story hits a fork in the road, you get to choose which path to take. The ending will always be different depending on your decisions. Not only that, you can read
this book over and over again for a new experience every time!

Click Here to Order from Amazon

If you haven’t already, check out the original:

ocean of lard

Warrior Wolf Women series

Posted in Bizarro Books on March 14, 2010 by carltonmellick

Well, it looks like “Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland” has become a series. I’m writing two prequels and two sequels for it. Three short ones and one long one. The three short ones will be collected into a single volume and released later in the year or early next year. I’ve completed one of the prequels already, “Barbarian Beast Babes of the Badlands” which is about Apple, Talon, and Hyena, plus some new characters. The other prequel I’m writing right now, which will be all about Samurai Hamburglar. The third novella will follow Talon, Slayer, Nova, and the rest of the warrior gang directly after the events of Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. The long sequel will be a stand alone novel, set several years after WWW and will mostly focus on Pippi and Daniel Togg. It will be called “Pippi of the Apocalypse.”

I’m really excited about writing all of these. I haven’t really been able to get the WWW world out of my head since I wrote the book and it’s been fun to return to it. Plus, I always wanted to write a trilogy.

Bizarro Radio Interview

Posted in Bizarro Authors on March 11, 2010 by carltonmellick

In person, Jeremy Robert Johnson is the funniest most retarded bizarro writer that I know of, even though his fiction is some of the darkest and most powerful.

I highly recommend listening to this interview with him. It’s pretty hilarious. He is exactly like this every second you’re around him.

Click here: Interview with JRJ

Die Kannibalen von Candyland

Posted in Bizarro Books on March 9, 2010 by carltonmellick

Coming soon is the German edition of “Cannibals of Candyland.” It might have a scratch-and-sniff cover. I believe it is available for pre-order. If you speak German you might want to check it out. There will also be an audio edition. Here’s the description.

die kannibalen

Carlton Mellick III schreibt Bizarro Fiction – ein Genre, das er quasi selbst erfunden hat. Doch was ist das? Grob gesagt: Bizarro Fiction ist seltsame Literatur.
Man stelle sich einen bösen Roald Dahl auf Speed vor. Das sagt nicht viel aus? Hmm, vielleicht ahnt man etwas, wenn man einige Titel von CM3 hört: ›Ultra Fuckers‹, ›Electric Jesus Corpse‹, ›The Menstruating Mall‹, ›Teeth and Tongue Landscape‹, ›Adolf in Wonderland‹, ›The Haunted Vagina‹, ›Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland‹, ›The Baby-Jesus Ass-Plug‹.

Wie echte Kult-Filme ist Bizarro Fiction manchmal surreal, manchmal revolutionär, manchmal idiotisch, manchmal blutig, oft derb pornografisch und fast immer radikal abgedreht.

Bizarro Fiction ist wie:

Franz Kafka trifft John Waters
Kinderbücher nach der Apokalypse
Takashi Miike trifft William S. Burroughs
Alice in Wonderland für Erwachsene
Japanisches Kino unter der Regie von David Lynch

Bei Festa sind mehrere Veröffentlichungen in Vorbereitung. Wir starten mit ›Die Kannibalen von Candyland‹ – gedruckt auf rosa Papier und wenn man den Umschlag streichelt, riecht man das Candyland, denn dann duftet es nach Erdbeerbonbons.

Gebunden, Leseband.
Circa 160 Seiten
Originaltitel: The Cannibals of Candyland
Übersetzung: Michael Plogmann