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OUT NOW: “You Always Try to Kill Me in Your Dreams”

Posted in Uncategorized on May 23, 2023 by carltonmellick

My newest book, YOU ALWAYS TRY TO KILL ME IN YOUR DREAMS, is now available at amazon.

YOU ALWAYS TRY TO KILL ME IN YOUR DREAMS

Dreams shouldn’t kill you. If you die in a dream you should be fine in real life. But that’s not what Elias learns once he moves in with a girl named Roe who has the terrible habit of pulling people into her dreams with her whenever she falls asleep. Although she’s the nicest, coolest, most attractive woman Elias has ever known while she’s awake, Roe is a complete psychopath in her dreams. She will stop at nothing to kill anyone who finds their way into her subconscious worlds. But Elias has no choice but to survive her crazy dreams every night if he ever hopes to make it in a world that has been torn apart by a global pandemic and economic collapse.

Available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “SATAN BURGER” 20th Anniversary edition

Posted in Uncategorized with tags Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick on November 30, 2021 by carltonmellick

Today marks the 20th anniversary of my first novel, Satan Burger. To celebrate, a new edition has been released with a new cover by Ed Mironuik and introduction by John Skipp.

SATAN BURGER

Satan Burger explores a new kind of apocalypse. Not an apocalypse caused by disease or nuclear war, but an apocalypse of boredom. A plague of monotony has spread across the countryside, sucking all passion and inspiration out of everyone over the age of twenty-five, leaving only the disenfranchised youth to fend for themselves in a society crumbling around them. Featuring a narrator who sees his body from a third-person perspective, a man whose flesh is dead but his body parts are alive and running amok, an overweight messiah, the personal life of the Grim Reaper, a race of women who feed on male orgasms, and a group of squatter punks that team up with the devil to find their place in a world that doesn’t want them anymore.

Buy it now at amazon.com

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OUT NOW: “The Bad Box”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Uncategorized with tags Goosebumps, superheroes on September 2, 2020 by carltonmellick

My newest book, THE BAD BOX, is now available.

THE BAD BOX

Little Benny isn’t very good at taking tests. It’s not that he’s a stupid kid or doesn’t pay attention in class. It’s just that he’s absolutely terrified of failure. It doesn’t matter how hard he studies. He gets so nervous that he freezes up and his mind goes blank, rarely even answering a single question before the time is up. This is especially difficult now that he’s in Mrs. Gustafson’s fifth grade class, where the punishment for failure is to draw a curse from the bad box—a magical device that permanently mutates children into horrific monsters.

Available at amazon.com

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OUT NOW: “Spider Bunny”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, surrealism, Uncategorized, urban fairy tales on April 3, 2017 by carltonmellick

My new book, SPIDER BUNNY, is now available. This one is a tribute to the unintentionally terrifying children’s commercials of the ‘70s and ‘80s. I hope you check it out.

SPIDER BUNNY

Only Petey remembers the Fruit Fun cereal commercials of the 1980s. He remembers how warped and disturbing they were. He remembers the lumpy-shaped cartoon children sitting around a breakfast table, eating puffy pink cereal brought to them by the distortedly animated mascot, Berry Bunny. The characters were creepier than the Sesame Street Humpty Dumpty, freakier than Mr. Noseybonk from the old BBC show Jigsaw. They used to give him nightmares as a child. Nightmares where Berry Bunny would reach out of the television and grab him, pulling him into her cereal bowl to be eaten by the demented cartoon children.

When Petey brings up Fruit Fun to his friends, none of them have any idea what he’s talking about. They’ve never heard of the cereal or seen the commercials before. And they’re not the only ones. Nobody has ever heard of it. There’s not even any information about Fruit Fun on google or wikipedia. At first, Petey thinks he’s going crazy. He wonders if all of those commercials were real or just false memories. But then he starts seeing them again. Berry Bunny appears on his television, promoting Fruit Fun cereal in her squeaky unsettling voice. And the next thing Petey knows, he and his friends are sucked into the cereal commercial and forced to survive in a surreal world populated by cartoon characters made flesh.

Get it at amazon.com

15th Anniversary of SATAN BURGER

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Satan Burger, Uncategorized on July 6, 2016 by carltonmellick

15 years ago, my first novel SATAN BURGER was published. When it came out I really didn’t expect it to do well. I wrote it for fun, just for myself, not expecting anyone would ever even read it. I mean it’s basically just about a group of 20-year-olds who get jobs working at a Satan-themed fast food franchise as the world is ending. It’s not exactly the most commercial concept. Yet for some utterly strange reason that I still can’t even slightly comprehend the book did well. Really well. It actually found an audience big enough to launch my career. A year or so after its release I was able to quit my job and write full time which was something I never thought possible, especially not at such a young age (I was barely old enough to buy beer at the time). 15 years and 50 books later, I’m still here, still writing, and it’s all thanks to this book. I pretty much owe everything to Satan Burger and the fans who supported it over the years.

The 15th Anniversary Edition of SATAN BURGER is now available at amazon. It’s got an introduction by one of my heroes, John Skipp, who was a major influence on me when I was a teenager (and still is today). It’s also got illustrations by Ryan Ward, an underground artist who sent me fan art for the book years ago that I loved so much that I asked him to illustrate the whole book. And there’s also a new forward that I’ve written detailing the history of the book over the past 15 years.

If you haven’t read the book before or you want to get a more collectible edition, check out the anniversary edition at amazon.com

Here’s a video comparing the hardcover edition with the original:

SATAN BURGER (15th Anniversary Edition)

When Satan Burger was first being passed around among teenage punks and fans of weird art and film, there was nothing else like it. A book of rebellious spirit that simplistically captured the postmodern malaise of a culture obsessed with consumerism. It quickly gained an underground following, was transcribed by fans and bootlegged online, was translated into Russian and made its way around the world attracting the attention of readers bored with typical mainstream fare. Combining a satirical wit and style on par with legendary humorists such as Kurt Vonnegut and Russell Edson with the crazy punk ethos of cult film directors such as Terry Gilliam, David Lynch, and Takashi Miike, this was a book overflowing with so many new ideas and absurd philosophies that it not only launched the career of underground author Carlton Mellick III, but inspired an entire literary movement.

For the fifteenth anniversary of the release of this Bizarro Fiction classic, Eraserhead Press is thrilled to present this special hardcover edition, featuring an introduction by splatterpunk legend John Skipp, illustrations by Ryan Ward, and a new preface by the author.

Satan Burger explores a new kind of apocalypse. Not an apocalypse caused by disease or nuclear war, but an apocalypse of boredom. A plague of monotony has spread across the countryside, sucking all passion and inspiration out of everyone over the age of twenty-five, leaving only the disenfranchised youth to fend for themselves in a world crumbling around them. Featuring a narrator who sees his body from a third-person perspective, a man whose flesh is dead but his body parts are alive and running amok, an overweight messiah, the personal life of the Grim Reaper, a race of women who feed on male orgasms, and a motley group of squatter punks that team up with the devil to find their place in a world that doesn’t want them anymore.

Available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Uncategorized on April 27, 2016 by carltonmellick

My new book, “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes,” is now available.

EVERY TIME WE MEET AT THE DAIRY QUEEN, YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FACE EXPLODES

Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spiders in her hair. The one who can’t sit still for even a minute and speaks in an odd squeaky voice. The one they call Spiderweb.

Although she scares all the other kids in school, Ethan thinks Spiderweb is the cutest, sweetest, most perfect girl in the world. But there’s a problem. Whenever they go on a date at the Dairy Queen, her whole fucking face explodes. He’s not sure why it happens. She just gets so excited that pressure builds under her skin. Then her face bursts, spraying meat and gore across the room, her eyeballs and lips landing in his strawberry sundae.

At first, Ethan believes he can deal with his girlfriend’s face-exploding condition. But the more he gets to know her, the weirder her condition turns out to be. And as their relationship gets serious, Ethan realizes that the only way to make it work is to become just as strange as she is.

Buy it at amazon.com

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Quicksand House in Spanish and Italian

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Uncategorized on April 27, 2016 by carltonmellick

My novel “Quicksand House” has recently been translated into Spanish and Italian. Both editions are available now.

La Casa sulle Sabbie Mobili (Vaporteppa)

Tick e Polly non hanno mai incontrato i loro genitori. Sono confinati nell’appartamento dei bambini dove crescono sotto le cure dell’anziana Tata Warbourogh, nell’attesa di poter incontrare mamma e papà e andare a vivere nel resto della casa. Dopo anni di attesa ormai Polly è diventata troppo grande per i vestiti che ha nell’armadio e dei genitori non c’è ancora nessuna traccia.

Quando i macchinari che rendono autosufficiente l’appartamento iniziano a guastarsi, Polly e Tick sono obbligati ad affrontare il resto della casa. Li aspetta un labirinto di stanze e corridoi in rovina, abitato da creature mostruose che cacciano nelle ombre. La ricerca dei genitori diventa una battaglia per la sopravvivenza, nella disperata speranza di trovarli prima di morire di fame. Il mondo fuori dalle poche stanze in cui sono cresciuti è molto diverso da quello che pensavano di trovare, e più attraversano la casa e più svelano misteri che non avrebbero mai voluto scoprire.

Uno dei libri più intimi e toccanti della produzione di Carlton Mellick III.

Available at amazon.it

La casa de arenas movedizas (Orciny Press)

Esta es la historia de dos niños que no conocen a sus padres, aunque viven en la misma casa que ellos. Sueñan con el momento en que podrán abrazarlos por primera vez, pero parece que los padres nunca tienen tiempo para ir a verlos. Los niños saben que tienen que estar en algún lugar de la mansión que comparten con sus progenitores, pero tienen prohibido salir de la guardería en la que viven. Siempre les han dicho que si la abandonan, sus vidas corren peligro.

Durante un tiempo, las cosas van bien: tienen una niñera que los cuida y unas máquinas les proporcionan todo lo que necesitan… Hasta que un día pasa algo que los obliga a abrir la puerta y adentrarse en los pasillos oscuros de una casa que les es ajena, para desvelar los misterios que rodean su propio pasado y el mundo en el que han creído vivir.

Al fin en español, “La casa de arenas movedizas” es la primera novela que se traduce de Carlton Mellick III, instigador del género bizarro y una de las mentes más retorcidamente divertidas de la literatura actual. En su obra más personal, este autor de culto introduce las constantes que lo han hecho granjearse una legión de seguidores (personajes extraños, situaciones que coquetean con el absurdo, y tramas impredecibles) y les da la vuelta para crear una obra tan tierna y sincera como aterradora.

Mellick ha sido galardonado con el premio Wonderland de bizarro, y en 2013 el diario “The Guardian” lo situó entre los veinte mejores autores de ciencia ficción de menos de cuarenta años.

Available at amazon.es

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OUT NOW: “BIO MELT”

Posted in Uncategorized on October 28, 2015 by carltonmellick

My 48th book, BIO MELT, is now available. This is one of the longer and darker novels I’ve written, along the lines of Tumor Fruit, Zombies and Shit, and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. I hope you check it out.

BIO MELT

Nobody goes into the Wire District anymore. The place is an industrial wasteland of poisonous gas clouds and lakes of toxic sludge. The machines are still running, the drone-operated factories are still spewing biochemical fumes over the city, but the place has lain abandoned for decades.

When the area becomes flooded by a mysterious black ooze, six strangers find themselves trapped in the Wire District with no chance of escape or rescue. Banding together, they must find a way through the sea of bio-waste before the deadly atmosphere wipes them out. But there are dark things growing within the toxic slime around them, grotesque mutant creatures that have long been forgotten by the rest of civilization. They are known only as clusters–colossal monstrosities made from the fused-together body parts of a thousand discarded clones. They are lost, frightened, and very, very hungry.

It’s Attack on Titan meets David Cronenberg’s Videodrome in this apocalyptic cyberpunk horror novel by the mutton-chopped kingpin of bizarro fiction, Carlton Mellick III.

Buy it at amazon.com

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Italian Editions
Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2015 by carltonmellick

Here’s a complete list of Italian editions of my books published through Vaporteppa Publishing. They include: Cannibals of Candyland, Armadillo Fists, Cuddly Holocaust, The Handsome Squirm, Village of the Mermaids, Kill Ball, The Haunted Vagina, The Morbidly Obese Ninja and War Slut.

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OUT NOW: Clownfellas
Posted in Uncategorized with tags Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick, clowns, mafia on August 7, 2015 by carltonmellick

My new book, CLOWNFELLAS, is now available from Random House Hydra. I had a blast writing this book. I hope you check it out.

CLOWNFELLAS

In a topsy-turvy world where clowns are killers and crooks, Little Bigtop is a three-ring circus of crime, and no syndicate is more dangerous than the Bozo family. From the wildly original mind of Carlton Mellick III comes the short-story collection ClownFellas—an epic mob saga where life is cheap and the gags will slay you.

For years, the hard-boiled capos of the Bozo family have run all of the funny business in Little Bigtop, from the clown brothels to the illegal comedy trade. But hard times have befallen the Bozos now that Le Mystère, the French clown Mafia, has started moving in and trying to take over the city. If that weren’t enough, they’ve got to deal with the cops, the Feds, the snitches, the carnies, the mysterious hit man Mr. Pogo, and the mutant clowns over in the Sideshow district. With the odds stacked against them, the Bozos must fight to survive . . . or die laughing.

Praise for ClownFellas

“Mario Puzo meets Barnum & Bailey . . . You just can’t look away as the ridiculousness escalates.” —Publishers Weekly

“The most original novelist working today? The most outrageous? The most unpredictable? These aren’t easy superlatives to make; however, Carlton Mellick may well be all of those things, behind a canon of books that all irreverently depart from the form and concepts of traditional novels, and adventure the reader into a howling, dark fantasyland of the most bizarre, over-the-top, and mind-warping inventiveness. In my opinion, ClownFellas is his best work to date.” —Edward Lee, author of City Infernal and Header

“Carlton Mellick III goes past silly, through weird, detours around dumb, blasts through bizarre, and gets to a place where the normal physics of narrative no longer apply. You will never be the same.”—Cory Doctorow, author of Little Brother and Homeland.

“I rarely enjoy clowns—which is ironic since I’ve been one for over four decades—but ClownFellas is great on so many levels, irony being one of them. What can I say besides I love it! Great read, and funny as hell . . . I have been accused of being unfunny before, and after the trial I had to enter the Witless Protection Program. This is funny!”—Barry Lubin, aka Grandma, longtime Big Apple Circus clown

“If Martin Scorsese and Ronald McDonald had a baby, this would be it . . . Each story is clever, multi-layered, and filled with witty dialogue . . . A must-read.” —This Is Horror

“Mellick’s writing is wonderfully descriptive and wildly imaginative . . . I was utterly delighted, amused, and engrossed. . . ClownFellas is a gem!” —The Qwillery

“A rollercoaster ride through a strange world that borders on our own reality . . . a story that is just as difficult to define as it is to put down.” —Examiner.com

“Mellick has created another amazing read . . . Highly recommended.” —Kitty Horror

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