Archive for the Fiction Category

OUT NOW: “Glass Children”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Fiction, dark comedy, dystopian, Fiction, horror, surrealism on July 24, 2023 by carltonmellick

My newest book, GLASS CHILDREN, is now available at amazon.



GLASS CHILDREN


The children of the glass generation are the most sensitive, fragile, entitled, spoiled, lazy, selfish little brats that human society has ever produced. Part of this is due to overprotective parenting, but it is mostly due to the fact that these children are literally made out of glass. Nobody knows why, but one day the human species went through a surreal mutation where babies started being born with delicate hollow glass bodies with no flesh or bones or anything holding them together but their thin delicate exoskeleton. They shatter whenever they fall down or are touched too firmly. Even a mother’s embrace will cause them to crack open like eggshells. And they are emotionally just as fragile as they are physically, breaking to pieces whenever they become upset or offended or don’t get exactly what they want at all times. They expect the world to revolve entirely around their safety and happiness. They demand that our culture adjust to meet their expectations. And it seems as though the rest of human society is more than willing to go to every extreme imaginable in order to accommodate them.


Available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “The Boy with the Chainsaw Heart”

Posted in afterlife, Bizarro Fiction, body horror, Carlton Mellick III, demons, eraserhead press, Fiction, hell, horror, post-apocalypse on November 6, 2018 by carltonmellick

My new book, The Boy with the Chainsaw Heart, is now available. After my last couple of books, Stacking Doll and Neverday, I wanted to do something a little more on the action adventure side. Something set in the afterlife. Something that I could really sink myself into and lose myself for days at a time. It’s been a while since I’ve done a story like this, probably not since Ugly Heaven, so it was a really fun setting to explore. I hope you get a chance to check it out.

THE BOY WITH THE CHAINSAW HEART

Mark Knight wakes in the afterlife to discover that he’s been drafted into Hell’s army, forced to fight against the hordes of murderous angels attacking from the North. He finds himself to be both the pilot and the fuel of a demonic war machine known as Lynx, a living demon woman with the ability to mutate into a weaponized battle suit that reflects the unique destructive force of a man’s soul.

While piloting Lynx, Mark adapts quickly to his new life as a soldier and learns that his abilities far surpass those of a normal human recruit. His fighting skills are so great that it could even be a turning point in this war that has not progressed in over five thousand years. But Mark has no interest in winning the war for the kingdom of Hell. All he wants is to see his wife, Amy, once again. As a Christian woman who died tragically in her youth, Mark is positive that she went to Heaven after her death. And if he can fight his way past the angels to reach Heaven’s Gate, Mark believes he’ll be able to rescue Amy from a life of servitude and find a place they can live together for the rest of their post-human lives.

Set in the same universe as Mellick’s bizarro romantic comedy, I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter, The Boy with the Chainsaw Heart illustrates a darker side of the afterlife, one that neither Christian nor Atheist would wish to endure.

Now available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “Neverday”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, dystopian, end of the world, eraserhead press, Fiction, horror on July 3, 2018 by carltonmellick

My new book, NEVERDAY, is now available. This is one that I’ve been talking about for almost a decade now. It’s my version of the time loop trope made popular in the movie “Groundhog Day” but instead of focusing only on a single character this story explores what would happen to society if everyone in the world was trapped in the time loop together, with no chance of ever escaping. Next to my last book, Stacking Doll, this is one of my favorite books I’ve written in recent years. I hope you check it out.

NEVERDAY

Karl Lybeck has been repeating the same day over and over again, in a constant loop, for what feels like a thousand years. He’s been stuck in this endless cycle for so long that he doesn’t remember what his life was like before time stopped moving forward. He doesn’t remember his parents’ faces or what he used to do for a living. The only reason he remembers his own name is because it’s printed on his Oregon State driver’s license.

When a woman named January enters his life, Karl learns that he isn’t the only one trapped in the time loop. In fact, the majority of the population has been repeating the same day just as he has been for hundreds of years. While Karl was hiding isolated in his suburban home, a whole new world was being built just outside his door. Society has adapted to repeating. Strange laws have been implemented. A new memory-based currency has been put into place.

But there’s something not quite right about the new repeating government. Karl doesn’t understand why those in charge have no interest in trying to fix their situation. He doesn’t doesn’t understand why going into the neverday–that time period that only exists if you stay awake all night to avoid repetition–is considered the worst possible crime that anyone can commit. With the help of others who share in his suspicions, Karl plans to find out exactly what is being hidden from them, even if it destroys the very fabric of their society forever.

Available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “Stacking Doll”

Posted in Bizarro Fiction, body horror, eraserhead press, Fiction, surrealism, urban fairy tales on March 12, 2018 by carltonmellick

STACKING DOLL

Stacking Doll is the story of Benjamin Hammond, a young man who is in love with a Russian nesting doll. But in this world, nesting dolls are not just antique wooden toys. They are a race of people known as Matryoshkans, a subspecies of human who are born with a very peculiar abnormality—they have a collection of smaller people living inside of them.

Benjamin never thought he’d ever fall in love with anyone, let alone a Matryoshkan, but from the moment he met Ynaria he knew she was the only one for him. Although relationships between humans and Matryoshkans are practically unheard of, the two are determined to get married despite objections from their friends and family. After meeting Ynaria’s strict conservative parents, it becomes clear to Benjamin that the only way they will approve of their union is if they undergo The Trial—a matryoshkan wedding tradition where couples lock themselves in a house for several days in order to introduce each other to all of the people living inside of them.

No human has ever gone through The Trial before, so Benjamin has no idea what’s in store for him. He assumes that he’ll love each of Ynaria’s inner selves just as much as he loves her, but as she peels off her layers he realizes that each one is more neurotic and difficult to deal with than the last. And if they’re ever going to be together, Benjamin must fall in love with each and every one of his fiancé’s inner personalities, no matter how strange or disturbing they turn out to be.

Available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “Quicksand House”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, Fiction, horror, surrealism on July 18, 2013 by carltonmellick

My 41st book is now available. This is a book I’ve had in my head for over 15 years, but I didn’t feel I was ready to write it until now. It’s a bit longer than my most recent books and perhaps one of my best. This is for those who prefer my darker and more serious work (like The Egg Man) over my campy/trashy comical stuff (like Morbidly Obese Ninja).

QUICKSAND HOUSE

“You must never leave the nursery. If you leave, you will certainly die.”

Tick and Polly have never met their parents before. They live in the same house with them, they dream about them every night, they share the same flesh and blood, yet for some reason their parents have never found the time to visit them even once since they were born. Living in a dark corner of their parents’ vast crumbling mansion, the children long for the day when they will finally be held in their mother’s loving arms for the first time… But that day seems to never come. They worry their parents have long since forgotten about them.

When the machines that provide them with food and water stop functioning, the children are forced to venture out of the nursery to find their parents on their own. But the rest of the house is much larger and stranger than they ever could have imagined. The maze-like hallways are dark and seem to go on forever, deranged creatures lurk in every shadow, and the bodies of long-dead children litter the abandoned storerooms. Every minute out of the nursery is a constant battle for survival. And the deeper into the house they go, the more they must unravel the mysteries surrounding their past and the world they’ve grown up in, if they ever hope to meet the parents they’ve always longed to see.

Like a survival horror rendition of Flowers in the Attic, Carlton Mellick III’s Quicksand House is his most gripping and sincere work to date.

AVAILABLE AT WWW.AMAZON.COM

New Eraserhead Press Releases — SPRING 2013

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Fiction, Jeff Burk, mermaids, post-apocalypse, Uncategorized on April 26, 2013 by carltonmellick

Normally, Eraserhead Press releases 3-4 books per quarter. This quarter, however, there are only two releases. I blame this on Shatnerquest. It required more publishing slots to contain all of the awesome.

shatnerquestmermaids

SHATNERQUEST by Jeff Burk

After the apocalypse, three Star Trek fans and their morbidly obese cat embark on a quest to save their beloved idol, the one and only William Shatner, from the hostile world America has become.

But their journey will not be easy, for the wasteland is filled with cannibal cults, Klingon biker gangs, Zombie Borg, and all manner of mutant creatures. And once they arrive at their destination, they discover that William Shatner has been transformed into Shatzilla – a giant 100-story radioactive monster hell-bent on destroying all of Los Angeles.

Now instead of saving Shatner from this new apocalyptic world, these three fans must save the world from this new apocalyptic Shatner. If only there was another giant monster who could take him down…

From the author who brought you the cult hit Shatnerquake, comes another Shat-tastic sci-fi comedy that proves once and for all that there actually is something even bigger than William Shatner’s ego. And it is… William Shatner!

Click here to buy from Amazon.com

VILLAGE OF THE MERMAIDS by Carlton Mellick III

MERMAID [mur-meyd] noun — a rare species of fish evolved to resemble the appearance of a woman in order to attract male human prey.

Mermaids are protected by the government under the Endangered Species Act, which means you aren’t able to kill them even in self-defense. This is especially problematic if you happen to live in the isolated fishing village of Siren Cove, where there exists a healthy population of mermaids in the surrounding waters that view you as the main source of protein in their diet.

The only thing keeping these ravenous sea women at bay is the equally-dangerous supply of human livestock known as Food People. Normally, these “feeder humans” are enough to keep the mermaid population happy and well-fed. But in Siren Cove, the mermaids are avoiding the human livestock and have returned to hunting the frightened local fishermen. It is up to Doctor Black, an eccentric representative of the Food People Corporation, to investigate the matter and hopefully find a way to correct the mermaids’ new eating patterns before the remaining villagers end up as fish food. But the more he digs, the more he discovers there are far stranger and more dangerous things than mermaids hidden in this ancient village by the sea.

Like a Lovecraftian version of David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, Village of the Mermaids is a dystopian mystery that proves once again how cult author Carlton Mellick III brings the weird to a whole new level.

AVAILABLE AT WWW.AMAZON.COM

SUMMER 2013 RELEASES:
(Coming in July)

“In Heaven Everything is Fine: Stories Inspired by the Films of David Lynch” edited by Cameron Pierce
“Quicksand House” by Carlton Mellick III
“Japan Conquers the Galaxy” by Kirsten Alene
“You Are a Sloth” by Steve Lowe

OUT NOW: Cuddly Holocaust

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Fiction, horror, post-apocalypse on March 1, 2013 by carltonmellick

This is for fans of my more pulpy action stories like Armadillo Fists and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. I had a blast writing it.

cuddly holocaust

CUDDLY HOLOCAUST

The war between humans and toys has come to an end.
The toys won.

Teddy bears, dollies, and little green soldiers–they’ve all had enough of you. They’re sick of being treated like playthings for spoiled little brats. They have no rights, no property, no hope for a future of any kind. You’ve left them with no other option–in order to be free, they must exterminate the human race.

Julie is a human girl undergoing reconstructive surgery in order to become a stuffed animal. Her plan: to infiltrate enemy lines in order to save her family from the toy death camps. But when an army of plushy soldiers invade the underground bunker where she has taken refuge, Julie will be forced to move forward with her plan despite her transformation being not entirely complete.

Like a crazy cult movie in book form, Cuddly Holocaust is yet another tale that proves why Wonderland Book Award-winning author Carlton Mellick III is considered a master of the weird.

Available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: Hammer Wives

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Fiction, horror, surrealism, zombies on February 11, 2013 by carltonmellick

My third story collection is now available.

HAMMER WIVES

Fish-eyed mutants, oceans of insects, and flesh-eating women with hammers for heads.

Like a real world Kilgore Trout, cult author Carlton Mellick III has been pumping out dozens of the weirdest, trashiest, most imaginative books you’ve probably never heard of… even though you definitely should. Hammer Wives collects six of his most popular novelettes and short stories, including:

SIMPLE MACHINES
A man discovers that his body is actually a machine run by dozens of miniature clones of himself.

RED WORLD
A recovering junky must save his 8-year-old brother from a life of prostitution in a surreal version of New York City… a place where street kids mutate into fish-like creatures, the homeless stilt-walk through oceans of insects, and the only colors left visible to the human eye are shades of red.

HAMMER WIVES
A young man inherits ten eternally youthful wives from an estranged uncle he never knew he had… which wouldn’t have been such a bad thing if they didn’t have giant hammers for heads or a tendency of bludgeoning people to death for fun, food, or sexual pleasure.

LEMON KNIVES ‘N’ COCKROACHES
Cockroach-like children survive the zombie apocalypse by hiding between the walls of on old school building.

WAR PIG
In a steam-powered underworld, a bloodthirsty pig-man boxer will sacrifice everything to prevent his son from following in his footsteps.

THE MAN WITH THE STYROFOAM BRAIN
The recently departed reflect on the stupid reasons why they sold their souls to the devil.

AVAILABLE AT AMAZON.COM

OUT NOW: “Sea of the Patchwork Cats” re-issue

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, end of the world, Fiction, surrealism on November 25, 2011 by carltonmellick

Sea of the Patchwork Cats

Everyone in the world committed suicide at the same time . . .

Thus begins the surreal tale of an old man living alone in an empty world after everyone else on Earth killed themselves for no particular reason at all. In search for other survivors, he drifts in a floating house out to sea until he comes to a mysterious structure in the middle of the ocean. It is a building shaped like two giant nude women conjoined at the back. And issuing from a lighted window, echoing on the ghostly wind, is the sound of hundreds of meowing patchwork cats.

Sea of the Patchwork Cats is a sad dreamlike tale set in the quiet ashes of the human race. A must-read for Mellick enthusiasts who also adore The Twilight Zone.

Available at amazon.com

Call for submissions: “THE BIBLE PART II: The Long-Awaited Sequel to the #1 Bestselling Bizarro Fiction Novel of All Time!”

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, eraserhead press, Fiction on July 25, 2011 by carltonmellick

jesus with guns

I’m looking for bizarro short stories 2,000 – 8,000 words for the upcoming anthology “THE BIBLE PART II: The Long-Awaited Sequel to the #1 Bestselling Bizarro Fiction Novel of All Time!”.

The stories should be crazy bizarro fiction sequels to stories from the bible (old or new testament), or they should be completely original modern day biblical stories. Imagine if Michael Bay directed a crappy big budget Hollywood sequel to the Bible, with tons of over-the-top special effects, machine guns, explosions, motorcycles, sexy characters, and ridiculous plots. That’s the kind of thing I’m looking for. And, of course, I’d like them funny and weird.

Send a query to me at carltonmellick3 (at) yahoo.com with an idea for a story. Pitch me your idea in a paragraph or less. Include a bio. I’d like you to do this so that A) you don’t have to write it if I’m not going to be interested in the concept and B) I don’t want multiple people doing the same types of stories. Send multiple story pitches if you like.

Deadline for pitches: September 1st
Deadline for submissions: November 1st

Remember: The more ridiculous the better. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

-CM3