Archive for the Carlton Mellick III Category

OUT NOW: “The Terrible Thing That Happens”

Posted in Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, horror, post-apocalypse on October 7, 2016 by carltonmellick

My new book “The Terrible Thing That Happens” is now available.

terriblethingthathappens

THE TERRIBLE THING THAT HAPPENS

“A new spin on the post-apocalypse genre. One you won’t soon forget.” –Garrett Cook, author of A God of Hungry Walls

There is a grocery store. The last grocery store in the world. It stands alone in the middle of a vast wasteland that was once our world. The open sign is still illuminated, brightening the black landscape. It can be seen from miles away, even through the poisonous red ash. Every night at the exact same time, the store comes alive. It becomes exactly as it was before the world ended. Its shelves are replenished with fresh food and water. Ghostly shoppers walk the aisles. The scent of freshly baked breads can be smelled from the rust-caked parking lot. For generations, a small community of survivors, hideously mutated from the toxic atmosphere, have survived by collecting goods from the store. But it is not an easy task. Decades ago, before the world was destroyed, there was a terrible thing that happened in this place. A group of armed men in brown paper masks descended on the shopping center, massacring everyone in sight. This horrible event reoccurs every night, in the exact same manner. And the only way the wastelanders can gather enough food for their survival is to traverse the killing spree, memorize the patterns, and pray they can escape the bloodbath in tact.

From the godfather of bizarro fiction, Carlton Mellick III, comes an absurd horror story unlike anything you’ve read before.

Buy it at amazon.com

 

 

15th Anniversary of SATAN BURGER

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Satan Burger, Uncategorized on July 6, 2016 by carltonmellick

15 years ago, my first novel SATAN BURGER was published. When it came out I really didn’t expect it to do well. I wrote it for fun, just for myself, not expecting anyone would ever even read it. I mean it’s basically just about a group of 20-year-olds who get jobs working at a Satan-themed fast food franchise as the world is ending. It’s not exactly the most commercial concept. Yet for some utterly strange reason that I still can’t even slightly comprehend the book did well. Really well. It actually found an audience big enough to launch my career. A year or so after its release I was able to quit my job and write full time which was something I never thought possible, especially not at such a young age (I was barely old enough to buy beer at the time). 15 years and 50 books later, I’m still here, still writing, and it’s all thanks to this book. I pretty much owe everything to Satan Burger and the fans who supported it over the years.

The 15th Anniversary Edition of SATAN BURGER is now available at amazon. It’s got an introduction by one of my heroes, John Skipp, who was a major influence on me when I was a teenager (and still is today). It’s also got illustrations by Ryan Ward, an underground artist who sent me fan art for the book years ago that I loved so much that I asked him to illustrate the whole book. And there’s also a new forward that I’ve written detailing the history of the book over the past 15 years.

If you haven’t read the book before or you want to get a more collectible edition, check out the anniversary edition at amazon.com

Here’s a video comparing the hardcover edition with the original:

SATAN BURGER (15th Anniversary Edition)

When Satan Burger was first being passed around among teenage punks and fans of weird art and film, there was nothing else like it. A book of rebellious spirit that simplistically captured the postmodern malaise of a culture obsessed with consumerism. It quickly gained an underground following, was transcribed by fans and bootlegged online, was translated into Russian and made its way around the world attracting the attention of readers bored with typical mainstream fare. Combining a satirical wit and style on par with legendary humorists such as Kurt Vonnegut and Russell Edson with the crazy punk ethos of cult film directors such as Terry Gilliam, David Lynch, and Takashi Miike, this was a book overflowing with so many new ideas and absurd philosophies that it not only launched the career of underground author Carlton Mellick III, but inspired an entire literary movement.

For the fifteenth anniversary of the release of this Bizarro Fiction classic, Eraserhead Press is thrilled to present this special hardcover edition, featuring an introduction by splatterpunk legend John Skipp, illustrations by Ryan Ward, and a new preface by the author.

Satan Burger explores a new kind of apocalypse. Not an apocalypse caused by disease or nuclear war, but an apocalypse of boredom. A plague of monotony has spread across the countryside, sucking all passion and inspiration out of everyone over the age of twenty-five, leaving only the disenfranchised youth to fend for themselves in a world crumbling around them. Featuring a narrator who sees his body from a third-person perspective, a man whose flesh is dead but his body parts are alive and running amok, an overweight messiah, the personal life of the Grim Reaper, a race of women who feed on male orgasms, and a motley group of squatter punks that team up with the devil to find their place in a world that doesn’t want them anymore.

Available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Uncategorized on April 27, 2016 by carltonmellick

My new book, “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes,” is now available.

EVERY TIME WE MEET AT THE DAIRY QUEEN, YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FACE EXPLODES

Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spiders in her hair. The one who can’t sit still for even a minute and speaks in an odd squeaky voice. The one they call Spiderweb.

Although she scares all the other kids in school, Ethan thinks Spiderweb is the cutest, sweetest, most perfect girl in the world. But there’s a problem. Whenever they go on a date at the Dairy Queen, her whole fucking face explodes. He’s not sure why it happens. She just gets so excited that pressure builds under her skin. Then her face bursts, spraying meat and gore across the room, her eyeballs and lips landing in his strawberry sundae.

At first, Ethan believes he can deal with his girlfriend’s face-exploding condition. But the more he gets to know her, the weirder her condition turns out to be. And as their relationship gets serious, Ethan realizes that the only way to make it work is to become just as strange as she is.

Buy it at amazon.com

OUT NOW: “Sweet Story”

Posted in Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press on July 30, 2014 by carltonmellick

My new book, Sweet Story, is now available. Although it’s on the short side, it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written this year. I hope you check it out.

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SWEET STORY

Sally is an odd little girl. It’s not because she dresses as if she’s from the Edwardian era or spends most of her time playing with creepy talking dolls. It’s because she chases rainbows as if they were butterflies. She believes that if she finds the end of the rainbow then magical things will happen to her–leprechauns will shower her with gold and fairies will grant her every wish. But when she actually does find the end of a rainbow one day, and is given the opportunity to wish for whatever she wants, Sally asks for something that she believes will bring joy to children all over the world. She wishes that it would rain candy forever. She had no idea that her innocent wish would lead to the extinction of all life on earth.

Sweet Story is a children’s book gone horribly wrong. What starts as a cute, charming tale of rainbows and wishes soon becomes a vicious, unrelenting tale of survival in an inhospitable world full of cannibals and rapists. The result is one of the darkest comedies you’ll read all year, told with the wit and style you’ve come to expect from a Mellick novel.

Now available at amazon.com

OUT NOW: ”Hungry Bug”

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Carlton Mellick III, Neil Gaiman, Sin City, Urban Fantasy on January 13, 2014 by carltonmellick

My latest book is now available. Hungry Bug was loosely inspired by Frank Miller’s Sin City and Neil Gaiman’s urban fantasy work. Think Pulp Fiction with wizards. It’s one of my longest books and I personally think it’s one of my best yet. I hope you check it out.

hungrybug

HUNGRY BUG

In a world where magic exists, spell-casting has become a serious addiction. It ruins lives, tears families apart, and eats away at the fabric of society. Those who cast too much are taken from our world, never to be heard from again. They are sent to a realm known as Hell’s Bottom — a sorcerer ghetto where everyday life is a harsh struggle for survival. Porcelain dolls crawl through the alleys like rats, arcane scientists abduct people from the streets to use in their ungodly experiments, and everyone lives in fear of the aristocratic race of spider people who prey on citizens like vampires.

Told in a series of interconnected stories reminiscent of Frank Miller’s Sin City and David Lapham’s Stray Bullets, Carlton Mellick III’s Hungry Bug is an urban fairy tale that focuses on the real life problems that arise within a fantastic world of magic.

Get it at amazon.com

Full List of CM3 Books Published in 2013

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, dark comedy, David Lynch, eraserhead press, extreme horror on January 6, 2014 by carltonmellick

2013 was a good year for me. I released 3 novels (including Clusterfuck, the sequel to my cabin in the woods parody Apeshit, and new fan favorite Quicksand House), 1 novella, 1 short story collection, and five older books were reissued. A total of 10 books! I’m not sure what 2014 will bring (aside from Hungry Bug, which will be available soon), but I hope it will be even better.

Here’s the full list:

clusterfuckquicksand housemermaids

OUT NOW: “Clusterfuck”

Posted in Bizarro Books, cannibalism, Carlton Mellick III, deadite press, eraserhead press, extreme horror on October 10, 2013 by carltonmellick

Apeshit fans rejoice. Clusterfuck is now available!

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CLUSTERFUCK

A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code . . .

From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits Satan Burger and Adolf in Wonderland, comes a violent and hilarious B movie in book form. Set in the same woods as Mellick’s splatterpunk satire Apeshit, Clusterfuck follows Trent Chesterton, alpha bro, who has come up with what he thinks is a flawless plan to get laid. He invites three hot chicks and his three best bros on a weekend of extreme cave diving in a remote area known as Turtle Mountain, hoping to impress the ladies with his expert caving skills.

But things don’t quite go as Trent planned. For starters, only one of the three chicks turns out to be remotely hot and she has no interest in him for some inexplicable reason. Then he ends up looking like a total dumbass when everyone learns he’s never actually gone caving in his entire life. And to top it all off, he’s the one to get blamed once they find themselves lost and trapped deep underground with no way to turn back and no possible chance of rescue. What’s a bro to do? Sure he could win some points if he actually tried to save the ladies from the family of unkillable subterranean cannibal mutants hunting them for their flesh, but fuck that. No slam piece is worth that amount of effort. He’d much rather just use them as bait so that he can save himself.

It’s Tucker Max versus The Descent in this gore-filled comedy for the camp horror fan.

Now available at amazon.com

Praise for Apeshit, prequel to Clusterfuck

“The new gold standard in unstoppable fetus-fucking killfreakomania, Mellick’s APESHIT both earns and transcends its awesome title. Genuine all-meat hardcore horror meets unadulterated Bizarro brainwarp strangeness. The results are beyond jaw-dropping, and fill me with pure, unforgivable joy.”
— JOHN SKIPP, New York Times Bestselling author and splatterpunk superstar

“Hilarious, insightful and absolutely over-the-fucking-top, Apeshit will appeal to both traditional slasher fans and readers who want something a bit heavier.”
–BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising

“An electrifying read, Apeshit successfully combines an exciting, blood-splattering slasher story with unexpected social commentary.”
— THE DREAM PEOPLE

“With undead necrophilia, monster-rape sodomy, abortion porn, more spilled guts than your average Fulci film, and so many more grotesqueries you’d need a notebook to remember them all, APESHIT just may be the extreme gorehound’s dream come true.”
— THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW

“Apeshit begins with a typical dead teenager setup. Three cheerleaders and three football players head out to a cabin in the woods. Yawn. But, this is a Carlton Mellick book. Each of the characters is funny and scary in their own way, a far cry from the cannon fodder Freddy and Jason types usually encounter. There’s Desdemona the punk cheerleader who wants to cover herself completely with tattoos, her former best friend Crystal who has an extremely disturbing fetish, dysfunctional Stephanie with her vagina dentata and horrible past and Rick and Kevin who are both with Desdemona, but would rather be with one another. The six are pitted against a horrific urban legend with crab claws and a particularly hideous mutation, and from there it all goes…well, look at the title. Gorehounds who like the scatology of South Park, the weirdness of Peter Jackson gore flicks and the confrontational brutality of Last House on the Left will all relish this loving homage to a genre that once looked this sick and exciting to Americans.”
— DOC FAUSTUS