Archive for July, 2010

Cover for my upcoming zombie book

Posted in Bizarro Books on July 26, 2010 by carltonmellick

Return of the living dead style zombies + punks of the apocalypse in a battle royale style game show. Coming soon.

Article on bizarro fiction in The Guardian

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Fiction, Writing Related on July 16, 2010 by carltonmellick

Major British newspaper, The Guardian, has this to say about bizarro fiction…

Bizarro fiction: it’s terribly good

Have you discovered the genre that can be stupid and intelligent at the same time?

Jeff Burk’s Shatnerquake is the story of William Shatner. Yes: Wiliam Shatner. All of the characters he has ever played are suddenly sucked into our world on a mission to hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner. As one Amazon reviewer insightfully states, if you have ever wondered what would happen if William Shatner came face to face with the incarnation of every character he ever played, then “this is the book for you”. It is also, undeniably, Shatnertastic.

Shatnerquake is a comparatively mild example of the Bizarro fiction genre. Bizarro fiction defines itself as the literary equivalent of the cult film section in a video store, taking inspiration from films such as Repo Man and Eraserhead. It aims to satisfy the demands of readers who are looking for weird, in the same way other readers go looking for action or romance. Starting a decade ago with the work of indie publishers Raw Dog Screaming Press, Afterbirth Books and Eraserhead Press, the genre now has over a dozen small publishers, its own convention and an increasing cult status among readers and writers who know weird when they see it.

If the history of Bizarro fiction is ever long enough to look back on, it’s likely that Carlton Mellick III will loom large over the retrospective. If Shatnerquake typifies the screwball exuberance of Bizarro fiction, then Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist. Satan Burger, The Cannibals of Candyland, Adolf in Wonderland, War Slut, The Haunted Vagina, The Faggiest Vampire, The Baby Jesus Butt Plug, and my personal alliterative favourite, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. These are titles that fail to offend only because of their blatant offensiveness, and illustrate Bizarro’s fascination with the vulgar, smutty, distasteful and crude.

It’s a fascination that you might feel has been taken too far with Cameron Pierce’s outrageously titled Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. The book tells the story of a fantasy world where black snow falls in the shape of swastikas, and a nightmarish, fairytale version of the Auschwitz prison camp. Prisoners 999 and 1001, conjoined twin brothers, are forced to endure the sadistic tortures of the Ass Goblins and work all day constructing bicycles and sex dolls out of dead children as they plan their escape. Ass Goblins is deliberately distasteful and offensive, an exercise in identifying the boundaries of common decency and overstepping them, over and over again, and might see Cameron Pierce lynched by rampaging mobs of Daily Express readers if he ever ventures into the UK. In an era when very little remains shocking, Pierce might have actually managed to create a genuinely disturbing work of fiction, the literary equivalent of Schindler’s List rewritten by the Marquis De Sade and filmed as a Tim Burton animated feature.

For a more charming (if less fascinatingly titled) entry to Bizarro fiction try Cursed, the second novel by Jeremy C Shipp. Here you can meet Nicholas, a man who believes he has been cursed to be slapped every day. And Cicely, Nicholas’s love interest, who is convinced that the fate of the world depends on never putting the tennis ball down. Together they seek out other victims of the curse, and confront the malevolent Pete. Cursed is like an episode of Seinfeld as written by Chuck Palahniuk: a clever, funny, meaningful and dark comedy that will take you by surprise. If I was an editor looking for the first break-out hit from the Bizarro genre, Jeremy C Shipp is where I would stake my six-figure advance.

When I first stumbled across Bizarro fiction a few months ago, I wondered if there was any really decent writing in the genre, assuming from its trashy aesthetic that catchy titles might be the pinnacle of its achievements. Bizarro fiction is by turns stupid, repulsive and crude. But at its best, it is also intelligent, compelling and well-written. Any literary genre that can be both bad and good at the same time is worth watching.

My role in the zombie movie “The Ancient”

Posted in Bizarro Authors, zombies on July 12, 2010 by carltonmellick

About 5 years ago I was asked to appear in a low budget zombie movie called “The Ancient.” They wanted me to play a demented doomsday priest that goes door to door preaching about the end of the world. It was a good time. The movie was only available for a few weeks and is now out of print, because I believe all those involved in making it are a bit embarrassed that it exists. I probably should feel the same way but there’s nothing I like more than a bad low budget movie. Plus, my performance in the film was beyond Oscar-worthy. I really should have pursued a career in acting.

Recently, I got this fan made video that pieces together all of my scenes in the movie into one video. The scenes all put together actually do tell kind of a story, so think of it as a short film about a crazy priest trying gain some followers on the day of the zombie apocalypse.

Here it is:

“Sex Dungeon For Sale” – a short film

Posted in Bizarro Books on July 8, 2010 by carltonmellick

Here’s a short film based on the title story from the New Bizarro Author Series book Sex Dungeon for Sale by Patrick Wensink.

Nominees for the Wonderland Book Award

Posted in Bizarro Events, Bizarro Fiction on July 2, 2010 by carltonmellick


FISTFUL OF FEET by Jordan Krall
ARCHELON RANCH by Garrett Cook


SEX DUNGEON FOR SALE by Patrick Wensink
SEE JACK by Russell Edson

OUT NOW: The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2

Posted in Bizarro Books on July 1, 2010 by carltonmellick

My D&D parody book is now available. It is perhaps the dumbest thing ever written (by me or anyone else). It is also the best.

kobold wizard

Are you ready to play some Dungeons and Fucking Dragons?

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after having discovered that they are really just pre-rolled characters living inside of a classic AD&D role playing game. While exploring the ruins of Tardis Keep, these 6 characters must deal with their inept Dungeon Master’s retarded imagination and resist their horny teenaged players’ commands to have sex with everything in sight.

Featuring: punk rock elf chicks, death metal orcs, porn-addicted beholders, a goblin/halfling love affair, a gnoll orgy, and a magical dildo that holds the secrets of the universe.

Click here to order at