Archive for the Fiction Category

OUT NOW: “Sea of the Patchwork Cats” re-issue

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick III, end of the world, Fiction, surrealism on November 25, 2011 by carltonmellick

Sea of the Patchwork Cats

Everyone in the world committed suicide at the same time . . .

Thus begins the surreal tale of an old man living alone in an empty world after everyone else on Earth killed themselves for no particular reason at all. In search for other survivors, he drifts in a floating house out to sea until he comes to a mysterious structure in the middle of the ocean. It is a building shaped like two giant nude women conjoined at the back. And issuing from a lighted window, echoing on the ghostly wind, is the sound of hundreds of meowing patchwork cats.

Sea of the Patchwork Cats is a sad dreamlike tale set in the quiet ashes of the human race. A must-read for Mellick enthusiasts who also adore The Twilight Zone.

Available at amazon.com

Call for submissions: “THE BIBLE PART II: The Long-Awaited Sequel to the #1 Bestselling Bizarro Fiction Novel of All Time!”

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, eraserhead press, Fiction on July 25, 2011 by carltonmellick

jesus with guns

I’m looking for bizarro short stories 2,000 – 8,000 words for the upcoming anthology “THE BIBLE PART II: The Long-Awaited Sequel to the #1 Bestselling Bizarro Fiction Novel of All Time!”.

The stories should be crazy bizarro fiction sequels to stories from the bible (old or new testament), or they should be completely original modern day biblical stories. Imagine if Michael Bay directed a crappy big budget Hollywood sequel to the Bible, with tons of over-the-top special effects, machine guns, explosions, motorcycles, sexy characters, and ridiculous plots. That’s the kind of thing I’m looking for. And, of course, I’d like them funny and weird.

Send a query to me at carltonmellick3 (at) yahoo.com with an idea for a story. Pitch me your idea in a paragraph or less. Include a bio. I’d like you to do this so that A) you don’t have to write it if I’m not going to be interested in the concept and B) I don’t want multiple people doing the same types of stories. Send multiple story pitches if you like.

Deadline for pitches: September 1st
Deadline for submissions: November 1st

Remember: The more ridiculous the better. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

-CM3

Out Now: “The Menstruating Mall” re-issue

Posted in Bizarro Books, Carlton Mellick III, eraserhead press, Fiction, Uncategorized on June 16, 2011 by carltonmellick

The new edition of my book “The Menstruating Mall” is now available at amazon.com.

menstruating mall

The Breakfast Club meets Chopping Mall as directed by David Lynch.” – Brian Keene

Ten ridiculously stereotypical consumer victims (a yuppie, a housewife, a retiree, a jock, a bible thumper, a cowboy, a preppy, a gamer, a goth, and a white suburban gangsta) find themselves unable to leave the mall one day. There is nothing stopping them. The doors are unlocked. Other shoppers are able to come and go as they please. But for some inexplicable reason, these ten people cannot pry themselves away from their shopping miasma. The mall closes, and they won’t leave. Days pass, and they’re still there, eating meals in the food court and sleeping in department store bedroom displays. Then they begin to die off, one by one, murdered by a mysterious killer, and they still won’t allow themselves to escape. Carlton Mellick III’s “The Menstruating Mall” is both a modernized take on Luis Bunuel’s “The Exterminating Angel,” and a parody of Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None.”

COMING SOON: “The Morbidly Obese Ninja”

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Fiction, Uncategorized on March 24, 2011 by carltonmellick

Features: a world where people cosmetically alter their bodies to look like Japanese anime characters, cyberpunk assassins hired by electronics corporations, and a 700 pound ninja who uses his grotesque excess weight as a deadly weapon.

Brian Keene & J. F. Gonzalez sign with Deadite Press

Posted in Bizarro Books, Fiction, horror, Publishing on January 26, 2011 by carltonmellick

urban gothicclickersclickers2

If you haven’t heard the news on Monday, hardcore horror writers Brian Keene and J. F. Gonzalez have signed with Eraserhead Press’s cult horror imprint Deadite Press. The press will be re-releasing multiple books by these authors, starting with Urban Gothic by Brian Keene and the first two books of the Clickers series by J. F. Gonzales, Mark Williams, and Brian Keene.

Keene is not only one of the coolest fucking writers out there in horror, he has also been one of the biggest supporters of my work and bizarro fiction in general for the past decade, so I’m really excited to see him working with Deadite Press. As many of you know, I design all the covers for Deadite (including the ones pictured above) and with these upcoming releases I hope to give these writers the badass presentation their work rightly deserves.

For more information, go to Brian Keene’s blog at: http://www.briankeene.com

For more information on this year’s Deadite Press releases, go here: http://deaditepress.com

In 2011, Deadite Press is going to kick some serious ass.

Out now: “The Vegan Revolution …with Zombies!” by David Agranoff

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Fiction, Publishing, zombies on September 10, 2010 by carltonmellick

When there’s no more meat in hell,
the vegans will walk the earth.

vegan rev

If you are a zombie fan or a vegan you need to check out this book. Published by Deadite Press, the cult horror imprint of Eraserhead Press. I urged “punk horror” author David Agranoff to write this book because I thought it was a book that needed to be written. No one in the world could have written this book but David. I’m not a vegan, but you don’t have to be a vegan to like this. It’s just a good horror comedy that pokes fun at hipsters, Portlanders, juggalos, zombie fans, and even some aspects vegan culture. Oh, and it also pokes fun at the whole “with zombies” trend in literature that started with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The main character works at a zombie publishing house and is copyediting the next big zombie mash-up: Of Mice and Men and Zombies.

More information:

THE VEGAN REVOLUTION …WITH ZOMBIES
BY DAVID AGRANOFF

“Like Shaun of the Dead with vegans and hipsters. A hilarious zombie comedy. I loved it!” – Carlton Mellick III

“Destined to become a favorite among zombie fans and vegans alike.” – Gina Ranalli, author of Praise the Dead

“This witty novel celebrates everything I love about vegan Portland and kills everything I hate!” – Jess of Portland’s Get Sconed vegan blog.

Presenting Stress Free Food! Animal suffering is a thing of the past. Hipsters can now enjoy bacon without guilt. Thanks to a new miracle drug the cute little pig no longer feels a thing as she is led to the slaughter. The only problem? Once the drug enters the food supply anyone who eats it is infected. From fast food burgers to free-range organic eggs, eating animal products turns people into shambling brain-dead zombies. Not even vegetarians are safe!

In Portland, Oregon, vegans, freegans, abolitionists, hardliners and raw fooders have holed up in Food Fight, one of the country’s premier vegan grocery stores at the vegan mini-mall. There they must prepare for their final battle to take back the city from the hordes of roaming undead. Will vegans filet the flesh-eaters or will they become zombie chow?

When there’s no more meat in hell, the vegans will walk the earth.

Get it at amazon.com

I really like the book. I also love the trailer for the book. It looks as if this could have easily become a movie.

I highly recommend checking out the trailer here:

Here’s some shots from the shooting:

cast
The cast of characters, including David Agranoff on the far left and bizarro author Jeff Burk as the freegan on the far right.

zombies
Zombies!

freegan death
The freegan death scene

Werewolf anthology featuring “War Pig” now available for pre-order

Posted in Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Fiction on June 27, 2010 by carltonmellick

My story “War Pig” will soon appear in the werewolf anthology “Werewolves and Shape Shifters: Encounters with the Beast Within” edited by the one and only John Skipp. This story (about 6,000 words) is the one that I described as a steampunk version of Fight Club with werepigs. Of course, it’s actually more like Death Sport than Fight Club and there’s only one werepig, but there is also a werebear, a were jaguar, werejellyfish, and a werebulldog, among others. It’s personally one of my favorite short stories I’ve written in a long time. I hope to write more like it.

This anthology also includes fellow bizarros Jeremy Robert Johnson, Cody Goodfellow, and Nicole Cushing, as well as Chuck Palahniuk, Neil Gaiman, HP Lovecraft, George R R Martin, Kathe Koja, Francesca Lia Block, Charlainne Harris, Joe R Landsdale and a ton of other amazing writers.

Here are the contents:

THE COMPANY OF WOLVES – Angela Carter
THE OTHER SIDE – Count Stenbock
THE LADY ON THE GREY – John Collier
GABRIEL-ERNEST — Saki
THE SHADOW OVER INNSMOUTH – H.P. Lovecraft
GRANDFATHER WOLF – Steve Rasnic Tem
FIRE DOG – Joe R. Lansdale
PURE SILVER – A.C. Crispin and Kathleen O’Malley
GIFT-WRAP – Charlaine Harris
SIDE-EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE – Steve Duffy
UNLESS YOU CHANGE – Francesca Lia Block
FORGIVEN – Eric Shapiro
THE COLD THAT FLAYS THE SKIN – Tessa Gratton
IL DONNAIOLO – Brad C. Hodson
WEREWOLF 101 – Mercedes M. Yardley
MANDIBLE – Alice Henderson
FAR AND WEE – Kathe Koja
BRAIDS – Melanie Tem
NOT FROM AROUND HERE – David J. Schow
THE SKIN TRADE – George R.R. Martin
THE ANIMAL ASPECT OF HER MOVEMENT – Adam Golaski
STRANGE SKIN – Bentley Little
BREAK-UP – Richard Christian Matheson
THE BETTER HALF: A LOVE STORY – Scott Bradley and Peter Giglio
PLASTIC FANTASTIC – Dieter Meyer and Maxwell Hart
WARM, IN YOUR COAT – Violet Glaze
ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN PIGGY CLASS – Nicole Cushing
HOWL OF THE SHEEP – Cody Goodfellow
PIECES OF ETHAN – Adam-Troy Castro
I COVET ALL THE WANING HOURS – Zak Jarvis
WHEN SUSSURUS STIRS – Jeremy Robert Johnson
WAR PIG – Carlton Mellick III
DISSERTATION – Chuck Palahniuk
ONLY THE END OF THE WORLD AGAIN – Neil Gaiman
SWEETHEART COME – Alethea Kontis

It will be released September 22nd, but you can preorder it on amazon here:
http://www.amazon.com/Werewolves-Shape-Shifters-Encounters-Beasts/dp/1579128521

This anthology is a followup to the zombie anthology, “Zombies: Encounters with the Hungry Dead,” which includes my story “Lemon Knives n Cockroaches.”

You can get this one now at amazon.com.