Carlton Mellick III

• Pages

  • About bizarro
  • About the Author
  • BOOKS
  • FAQs
• 

  
  "Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"

  —Christopher Moore

  
  "Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."

  —Cory Doctorow

  
  CARLTON MELLICK III is the Wonderland Book Award-winning author of over 45 novels, including Quicksand House, Bio Melt, Cuddly Holocaust and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. In 2013, he was named one of the top 20 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian UK. His work has appeared in The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror, The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade, and Vice Magazine.

• Featured Titles

  
  

  

  Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes
  A tale of childhood love and spontaneous face explosions.
  Cute and disturbing
  

  
  

  

  Bio Melt
  Within a toxic wasteland, six strangers find themselves trapped in an abandoned hotel, surrounded by a mysterious black ooze.
  Dark and surreal.
  

  
  

  

  ClownFellas
  Six interconnected novellas revolving around the Bozo clown crime family
  Surreal and Pulpy.
  

  
  

  

  As She Stabbed Me Gently in the Face
  A sociopathic killer meets an even more sociopathic victim
  Dark and strange.
  

  
  

  

  Sweet Story
  A children's book gone horribly wrong.
  Dark humor.
  

  
  

  

  The Tick People
  In a city where people live like parasites on the back of a giant animal, a professional sadness-maker discovers that his soul mate is a hideous mutant.
  Dark and surreal.
  

  
  

  

  Hungry Bug
  In a world where magic exists, spell-casting has become a serious addiction.
  Gritty and pulpy.
  

  
  

  

  Clusterfuck
  A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code.
  Comical and violent.
  

  
  

  

  Quicksand House
  Two children who have never met their parents before, even though they live in the same house with them, must fight for survival once their nursery becomes uninhabitable.
  Dark and Dystopian.
  

  
  

  

  Village of the Mermaids
  An eccentric doctor travels to an isolated village of carnivorous mermaids to investigate a new disease spreading through the herd of human livestock.
  Dark and Dystopian.
  

  
  

  

  Cuddly Holocaust
  A tale of survival set in a world where most of the human race has been exterminated by vicious stuffed animals.
  Apocalyptic and brutal.
  

  
  

  

  Hammer Wives
  Six novellas and short stories.
  

  
  

  

  Kill Ball
  A slasher thriller set in a city where everyone lives in plastic bubbles.
  Dystopian and surreal.
  

  
  

  

  Tumor Fruit
  Seven castaways stranded on a bizarre deserted island must go to extremes in order to survive.
  Surreal and disturbing.
  

  
  

  

  The Handsome Squirm
  It's Franz Kafka's The Trial meets an erotic horror version of The Blob when a man is forced by law to marry an alien woman who devours her mates.
  Absurd, dystopian and relevant.
  

  
  

  

  Armadillo Fists
  Set in a world where people drive mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars, a female boxer with armadillo hands is on the run from deranged mobsters.
  Pulpy and fun.
  

  
  

  

  I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter
  A parody of romantic comedies about a man who finds himself engaged to a succubus who's pregnant with his child.
  Light and satirical.

  
  
  

  

  Fantastic Orgy
  One novella plus four short stories.

  
  
  

  

  Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands
  The sequel to Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland.

  
  
  

  

  The Morbidly Obese Ninja
  A 700 pound killing machine must go against his corporate employers in order to save a terminal child.
  Pulpy and fun.

  
  
  

  

  Crab Town
  A bizarre bank heist set in a radioactive post-nuke ghetto.
  Dystopian and relevant.

  
  
  

  

  Zombies and Shit
  It's Battle Royale meets Return of the Living dead in a fight to the death game of survival where twenty contestants are put against each other in the middle of the zombie wasteland.
  Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

  
  
  

  

  The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2
  A group of adventurers learn they are actually fictional characters trapped in the worst Dungeons & Dragons campaign of all time.
  Satirical and dumb.

  
  

  Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland
  A Wonderland Book Award-winning novel about a three-armed man who finds himself in the middle of a war between a gang of road warrior werewolves and mutants from a dystopian version of McDonaldland.
  Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

  
  

  The Cannibals of Candyland
  A man finds himself imprisoned in an under ground world populated by child-eating mutants made of candy.
  Erotic and horrific.

  
  

  Apeshit
  A parody of cabin in the woods horror stories where the victims turn out to be far more deranged than the mutant killers who hunt them.
  Campy and fucked up.

  
  

  The Egg Man
  It is a survival of the fittest world where humans reproduce like insects, children are the property of corporations, and having a ten-foot tall brain is a grotesque sexual fetish.
  Dark, dystopian, and ugly.

  
  

  Cybernetrix
  A dark and bizarre parody of the movie Tron where a game world and our world bleed together into one reality.
  Pulpy and awesome.

  
  

  The Faggiest Vampire
  A bizarro children's book about two vampire rivals competing in a mustache contest to determine which one is the faggiest.
  Cute and relevant.

  
  

  The Ultra Fuckers
  A landscaper and a trio of Japanese punks find themselves stranded in a suburban gated community that seems to go on forever.
  Nightmarish and absurd.

  
  

  Adolf in Wonderland
  Nazis from an alternate world of absolute perfection go down the rabbit hole into a dark surreal world of chaos and imperfection.
  Absurd and horrific.

  
  

  Sausagey Santa
  A bizarro Christmas story... filled with sex and violence.
  Satirical and pulpy.

  
  

  The Haunted Vagina
  It's difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.
  Satirical and absurd.

  
  

• All Books by Carlton Mellick

  • Adolf in Wonderland
  • Apeshit
  • Armadillo Fists
  • Baby Jesus Butt Plug
  • Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands
  • Cannibals of Candyland
  • Crab Town
  • Cuddly Holocaust
  • Cybernetrix
  • Egg Man
  • Electric Jesus Corpse
  • Faggiest Vampire
  • Fantastic Orgy
  • Fishy-fleshed
  • Hammer Wives
  • Haunted Vagina
  • I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter
  • Kill Ball
  • Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment
  • Menstruating Mall
  • Ocean of Lard
  • Punk Land
  • Razor Wire Pubic Hair
  • Satan Burger
  • Sausagey Santa
  • Sea of the Patchwork Cats
  • Sex and Death in TV Town
  • Steel Breakfast Era
  • Sunset with a Beard
  • Teeth and Tongue Landscape
  • The Handsome Squirm
  • The Morbidly Obese Ninja
  • Tumor Fruit
  • Ugly Heaven
  • Ultra Fuckers
  • War Slut
  • Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland
  • Zombies and Shit

• Bizarro Fiction Sites

  • Bizarro Central

• Bizarro Fiction Writers

  • Alyssa Sturgill
  • Andersen Prunty
  • Andre Duza
  • Andrew Goldfarb
  • Bradley Sands
  • Bruce Taylor
  • Carlton Mellick III
  • Chris Genoa
  • Christian TeBordo
  • D. Harlan Wilson
  • Eckhard Gerdes
  • Gina Ranalli
  • Jeremy C. Shipp
  • Jeremy Robert Johnson
  • John Edward Lawson
  • Jordan Krall
  • Kevin L Donihe
  • Mykle Hansen
  • Ray Fracalossy
  • Steve Aylett
  • Steve Beard
  • Tom Bradley
  • Tony Rauch
  • Vincent Sakowski

• Bizarro Starter Kits

  • Bizarro Starter Kit (blue)
  • Bizarro Starter Kit (orange)
  • http://BizarroStarterKit(purple)

• Praise for Carlton Mellick III

  
  "If you like satires which are highly imaginative, subversive, gory, funny as hell and completely surreal CM3 may be your literary messiah."

  —Ricardo Gonzalez Del Valle

  
  "CM3 is the most imaginative writer since Lethem and Vonnegut. Different, and absolutely thought provoking..."

  —Daniel McCreary

  
  "Carlton Mellick creates fascinating and intricate worlds out of meat, slime, sexuality, wire, and the kind of nightmares that make you laugh when you wake up."

  —Jemiah Jefferson

  
  "Brilliant writing that oozes into your skull and melts your brain like a box of a zillion crayons."

  —Idiot Alien Thought Creature

  
  "His books are from another universe."

  —Cameron Pierce

  
  "Mellick is smarter than the dumbness he tries to coat his writing in; you feel like you're reading a comic or watching MTV - but that underneath there is something deeper and smarter than the cartoonish presentation before your eyes."

  —Euchrid

  
  "Through childlike narration Mr. Mellick can present to his reader some of the most curious and knee-slapingly hysterical blaspheme."

  —Ian David McGowen

  
  "There is depth behind his simplistic prose, and humor all around it. What at first seems unsophisticated quickly becomes a firm identity to the characters, and you realize the intelligence behind the naivety. Yes, it's all on purpose, and you've just been had!"

  —Schtinky

  
  "Mellick has definitely joined the ranks of the bizarre literary geniuses such as Burroughs, Philip K. Dick, and Vonnegut."

  —Charles Glover

  
  "Mellick's imagination is boundless, and his writing truly shows this. His characters, plot, and writing style are original, enjoyable, and inspiring."

  —Lionel Bigsby

  
  

• Recent Posts

  • 15th Anniversary of SATAN BURGER
  • OUT NOW: “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes”
  • Quicksand House in Spanish and Italian
  • OUT NOW: “BIO MELT”
  • Italian Editions

• Archives

  • July 2016
  • April 2016
  • October 2015
  • August 2015
  • February 2015
  • July 2014
  • April 2014
  • January 2014
  • October 2013
  • July 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • July 2011
  • June 2011
  • May 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • July 2010
  • June 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • June 2009
  • May 2009

• Carlton’s Twitter Feed

  • My book SWEET STORY is now available on kindle for $2.99. fb.me/81PTHhTeZ 2 days ago
  • @Crusaderp @CarltonMellick Hobble Wat 3 days ago
  • One week left to pre-order my book, The Terrible Thing That Happens. fb.me/56D3BAwW3 6 days ago
  • fb.me/3B84JSFl0 1 week ago
  • The Italian edition of my book The Egg Man is now available. fb.me/4KihJB0VP 1 week ago

• Carlton Mellick III

  • 15th Anniversary of SATAN BURGER July 6, 2016
    15 years ago, my first novel SATAN BURGER was published. When it came out I really didn’t expect it to do well. I wrote it for fun, just for myself, not expecting anyone would ever even read it. I mean it’s basically just about a group of 20-year-olds who get jobs working at a Satan-themed […]
    carltonmellick
  • OUT NOW: “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes” April 27, 2016
    My new book, “Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes,” is now available. EVERY TIME WE MEET AT THE DAIRY QUEEN, YOUR WHOLE FUCKING FACE EXPLODES Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spiders in her hair. The one […]
    carltonmellick
  • Quicksand House in Spanish and Italian April 27, 2016
    My novel “Quicksand House” has recently been translated into Spanish and Italian. Both editions are available now. La Casa sulle Sabbie Mobili (Vaporteppa) Tick e Polly non hanno mai incontrato i loro genitori. Sono confinati nell’appartamento dei bambini dove crescono sotto le cure dell’anziana Tata Warbourogh, nell’attesa di poter incontrare mamma e papà e […]
    carltonmellick
  • OUT NOW: “BIO MELT” October 29, 2015
    My 48th book, BIO MELT, is now available. This is one of the longer and darker novels I’ve written, along the lines of Tumor Fruit, Zombies and Shit, and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. I hope you check it out. BIO MELT Nobody goes into the Wire District anymore. The place is an industrial […]
    carltonmellick
  • Italian Editions October 22, 2015
    Here’s a complete list of Italian editions of my books published through Vaporteppa Publishing. They include: Cannibals of Candyland, Armadillo Fists, Cuddly Holocaust, The Handsome Squirm, Village of the Mermaids, Kill Ball, The Haunted Vagina, The Morbidly Obese Ninja and War Slut.
    carltonmellick
  • OUT NOW: Clownfellas August 8, 2015
    My new book, CLOWNFELLAS, is now available from Random House Hydra. I had a blast writing this book. I hope you check it out. CLOWNFELLAS In a topsy-turvy world where clowns are killers and crooks, Little Bigtop is a three-ring circus of crime, and no syndicate is more dangerous than the Bozo family. From the […]
    carltonmellick
  • OUT NOW: “As She Stabbed Me Gently in the Face” February 1, 2015
    My new serial killer book, As She Stabbed Me Gently in the Face, is now available. I hope you check it out. AS SHE STABBED ME GENTLY IN THE FACE Oksana Maslovskiy is an award-winning artist, an internationally adored fashion model, and one of the most infamous serial killers this country has ever known. She […]
    carltonmellick
  • OUT NOW: “Sweet Story” July 30, 2014
    My new book, Sweet Story, is now available. Although it’s on the short side, it’s one of my favorite things I’ve written this year. I hope you check it out. SWEET STORY Sally is an odd little girl. It’s not because she dresses as if she’s from the Edwardian era or spends most of her […]
    carltonmellick
  • OUT NOW: “The Tick People” April 16, 2014
    I’m happy to announce that my 44th book is now available. Unlike my last few books, this is a short quick read and somewhat similar in tone to my early bizarro novellas like Teeth and Tongue Landscape, Steel Breakfast Era or Ugly Heaven. I hope you check it out. THE TICK PEOPLE They call it […]
    carltonmellick
  • OUT NOW:　”Hungry Bug” January 13, 2014
    My latest book is now available. Hungry Bug was loosely inspired by Frank Miller's Sin City and Neil Gaiman's urban fantasy work. Think Pulp Fiction with wizards.
    carltonmellick
• Search for:
• NetworkedBlogs

  Blog:

  Carlton Mellick III

  Topics:

  bizarro fiction, bizarro, Carlton Mellick

  Follow my blog
• 

• September 2016

  M	T	W	T	F	S	S
  « Jul
  			1	2	3	4
  5	6	7	8	9	10	11
  12	13	14	15	16	17	18
  19	20	21	22	23	24	25
  26	27	28	29	30

• Meta

  • Register
  • Log in
  • Entries RSS
  • Comments RSS
  • WordPress.com

Blog at WordPress.com.