Archive for May, 2009

Bizarro Bytes

Posted in Bizarro Authors on May 19, 2009 by carltonmellick

Jeremy C. Shipp, who is one of the highest praised writers of bizarro fiction, who is the general of the lawn gnome army, and who has written this:


and this:


and has a featured novella in this Bizarro Starter Kit:

Bizarro Starter Kit (blue)

is starting a thing called Bizarro Bytes, where you can get a new bizarro story by him emailed to you every month. Here’s how it works:

For $12, Subscribers receive 12 new, previously unpublished short stories by Jeremy C. Shipp. One story a month. These twisted tales of bizarro, horror, and dark fantasy are emailed to Subscribers in ebook format (PDF, Mobi, or ePub). The stories range from 2500 to 6000 words. After you subscribe, we’ll contact you about your preferred email address and ebook format. We’re sending out the first story in June of 2009.

For more information, go here: BIZARRO BYTES

If you are a fan of Jeremy Shipp’s work I recommend signing up. If you haven’t read his work try him out in the Bizarro Starter Kit (blue).

Also, check out this new interview this Jeremy C. Shipp where he discusses the bizarro genre:

Interview with Jeremy C. Shipp

Rough Cover Sketch for “The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2”

Posted in Bizarro Books on May 18, 2009 by carltonmellick

Here is a rough sketch of what my next cover will look like:

The kobold wizard's dildo of enlightenment +2

It’s called The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (An Adventure for 3-6 Players, Levels 2-5). It will be written in the style of my book Punk Land or Satan Burger, but will have a Dungeons and Dragons theme. Anyone who has played any of the old ’70s D&D modules will recognize the cover design.

The sketch above shows two of the characters in the story, one which is a punk rock elven thief and the other is an elf mage cybergoth. In the story, these characters were created by horny 13-year-old roleplayers so they of course look ultra slutty. I don’t know about you, but I think this cover is going to rock. Ed, the artist of most of my books, is my hero.

Last Night’s Event

Posted in Bizarro Events on May 17, 2009 by carltonmellick

Last night, some authors from the Portland bizarro scene went up to Olympia, WA for a reading event at the Tortoise Butler Arts Hotel. The Arts Hotel is also known as a Black House. In Olympia, there is a Satanic dentist who owns a lot of property, all which he has painted completely black. It was pretty fun to read in one of these Satanic dentist houses. A perfect place for a bizarro event.

In the Portland bizarro crew we had: Daniel Scott Buck, author of the bizarro children’s book “The Kissing Bug,” Cameron Pierce, author of “Shark Hunting in Paradise Garden,” Jeff Burk, editor of “The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction,” Eraserhead Press publisher Rose Okeefe, bizarro artist Angela Molinar, and myself.

From Seattle, Afterbirth Books editor Karen Townsend was there as well as Gina Ranalli, author of “Sky Tongues.”

We also met Olympia resident and bizarro newcomer Kevin Shamel.

Jeff, Cameron, and I did a lot of drinking in the woods:

jeff, carlton, cameron

Then we did some readings. Closing the performance was the second installment in Cameron Pierce’s Meat Magick series.

meat magick

The Meat Magick shows are completely bizarre, disgusting, hilarious, and very uncomfortable to watch. They are also difficult to explain. The closest explanation I can come up with is a deranged puppet show that uses meat/food products instead of puppets.

This is what the floor looked like after the performance:
(but imagine this covering the entire room)

meat magick floor

Here is a picture of a pancake with a face:

smiling pancake

The Meat Magick shows always have a raffle and the winner gets something totally awesome like a free book. Well, this time the winner got a can of pork and beans. And two eggs.

The winner, bizarro newcomer Kevin Shamel, is pictured here at home the next morning, getting ready to enjoy a breakfast of two eggs and beans.

Kevin Shamel

In the end, I learned that burritos with mashed potatoes and bacon are pretty good.

Bizarro Reading Tonight!

Posted in Bizarro Events on May 16, 2009 by carltonmellick

bizarro reading

Event Description: Come to the Tortoise Butler Arts Hotel for an evening of strange brews hosted by sausage maestro Gabriel Majeski. If you missed Jeff Burk’s Shatnerquake performance the last time he was in Olympia, here’s a second chance! In addition, Daniel Scott Buck will read his latest stories, Cameron Pierce will perform the second episode of Meat Magick, and special guests will provide tips for grooming an award-winning mustache. Bizarro books from Eraserhead Press will be for sale, so bring your bones. We may or may not serve tortoise burritos.

Saturday, May 16 at 8:00 pm
Tortoise Butler Arts Hotel
715 Wilson St. NE
Olympia, WA

One day, all washing machines will become human…

Posted in Bizarro Books on May 16, 2009 by carltonmellick

The new book by Kevin L. Donihe has just been released. One of the greatest of the bizarro writers. This guy writes entertaining weird stuff. Although he’s still new, this guy is going to go far. His new book, WASHER MOUTH: The Man Who Was a Washing Machine, has just been released through Eraserhead press. This is a book you’ve got to read.

washer mouth

Here is the description:

Roy is a washing machine messiah. Recently turned human, he must pave the way for the coming of the washer-men. Unfortunately, Roy is not a very good messiah. More obsessed with the daytime Soap Opera Sands of Eternity, Roy deviates from his mission in order to follow his dream of acting in a scene with its beautiful leading lady, before she is retired from the show. But Roy soon discovers that the rise to stardom isn’t a simple task, especially for man whose mouth is an out-of-control washing machine.

A menagerie of freaks, bukkake hair treatments, sexually deranged divas, super powered superstars, snuff films, gloop lunches, and a murderous washing machine man known only as The Dark Washer–all await Roy on his quest through the bowels of the day-time drama industry.

It’s The Little Mermaid meets O’Lucky Man, filtered through Futurama. Washer Mouth is a totally fucking insane satire of Soap Operas that could only come from the unbalanced mind of Kevin L Donihe.

Buy it on

New blog!

Posted in Uncategorized on May 16, 2009 by carltonmellick

I am finally starting a blog. This is a blog where I will talk about:

Bizarro author events such as:

The Bizarro Breakdance party!

The Bizarro Breakdance Parties

or new bizarro book releases such as:

The Cannibals of Candyland!

The Cannibals of Candyland

or just random weird things, such as:

Hamburger turtle!

Hamburger turtle

So stick around …