For those of you who haven’t been following my releases, here’s a list of all of my books published in 2011:
Aramdillo Fists is due out soon, but probably not until after Christmas. Then Handsome Squirm will likely come out soon after that. However, these two are not yet available.
It’s been a productive year. 7 are new titles, 5 are reprints. Next year will likely be just as productive.
My first story collection in ten years, Fantastic Orgy, is finally available. This one features one novella and four longish short stories.
Shark Sex, mutant cats, and strange sexually transmitted diseases.
Over the past few decades, sexually transmitted diseases have evolved in unusual ways. Herpes, AIDS, Gonorrhea; these are all STDs of the past. These days, sexually transmitted diseases are more extreme and bizarre. Not exactly diseases anymore, they are more like sexually transmitted body modifications. There’s an STD that changes your hair color, an STD that causes your toes to grow larger, one causes you to grow extra breasts on your body, another causes your skin to grow long metal spikes, and there’s an especially annoying STD that causes you to ejaculate miniature eyeballs.
Tonight is Share Your STD Night at the Demon Seed Swingers Club. Although most members of society fear the idea of contracting these diseases, there are some underground deviants who embrace them. They believe the diseases make them strange, unique, and beautiful. So they come together once a month to trade their wonderful STDs with each other in a surreal, fantastical orgy. However, tonight will not be like other nights. There’s a new disease spreading through the sex club, a disease that causes people to become rabid bloodthirsty killing machines. As the infected rampage through the Demon Seed, the survivors realize there’s only one thing they can do to survive the night: turn their grotesque STDs into deadly super weapons.
Also featuring the short stories:
“Candy-Coated” – A buff dude with a lollipop for a head has a hard time picking up the laydaaays due to all of the bearded truckers who keep trying to lick his head.
“Ear Cat” – A Kitty of the Month Club selection gone horribly wrong.
“City Hobgoblins” – A member of a punk rock band falls in love with a shark-like creature. (a prequel to the cult novel Satan Burger)
“Porno in August” – A group of porn actors find themselves floating in the middle of the ocean, unable to remember who they are or why they are there. (Chosen for The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror)
Now available at amazon.com
The new edition of my book “The Menstruating Mall” is now available at amazon.com.
“The Breakfast Club meets Chopping Mall as directed by David Lynch.” – Brian Keene
Ten ridiculously stereotypical consumer victims (a yuppie, a housewife, a retiree, a jock, a bible thumper, a cowboy, a preppy, a gamer, a goth, and a white suburban gangsta) find themselves unable to leave the mall one day. There is nothing stopping them. The doors are unlocked. Other shoppers are able to come and go as they please. But for some inexplicable reason, these ten people cannot pry themselves away from their shopping miasma. The mall closes, and they won’t leave. Days pass, and they’re still there, eating meals in the food court and sleeping in department store bedroom displays. Then they begin to die off, one by one, murdered by a mysterious killer, and they still won’t allow themselves to escape. Carlton Mellick III’s “The Menstruating Mall” is both a modernized take on Luis Bunuel’s “The Exterminating Angel,” and a parody of Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None.”
If you’re in the Portland area, join David Agranoff (as well as myself, Eraserhead Press, and others in the PDX bizarro fiction scene) at the Hollywood Theater tonight at 7pm for the release party of his new novel “Hunting the Moon Tribe.” There will be vegan cake, classic Kungfu and horror movie trailers on the big screen, books on sale, signing, and total geek madness.
Here’s a video ad for tonight’s event:
Here’s some praise for “Hunting the Moon Tribe” by David Agranoff:
“David Agranoff’s HUNTING THE MOON TRIBE mashes up Chinese mythology, some seriously unnerving horror, Maoist politics, a sweet coming-of-age story, dark magic, and high-kicking martial arts into a compelling and unusual page-turner. I’ve never read (or seen) anything like it, and HUNTING THE MOON TRIBE should mark Mr. Agranoff as one of the most original and exciting new voices to emerge in genre fiction in a dragon’s age.” – Lisa Morton Three time Bram Stoker award winning author of The Castle of Los Angeles and The Cinema of Tsui Hark.
“Remember that old Shaw Brothers / Hammer Studios flick The Legend of the 7 Golden Vampires? HUNTING THE MOON TRIBE is what that movie should have been. It is an extremely entertaining epic of kick-ass martial arts and bloody horror. Agranoff not only dazzles us with breathtaking action scenes and vampire violence but also tugs at our heartstrings with realistic family drama and romance. It’s a scary martial arts fantasy that will please just about everyone. David Agranoff is a gifted storyteller.” – Jordan Krall Author of Fistful of Feet and Squid pulp Blues
“As terrifying as Richard Laymon, and just as good, David Agranoff reshapes the vampire mythos in ways never experienced. The horror is visceral, the action brutal, and at its core, there’s a poignancy typically left out of today’s horror. A circus between worlds, vampires, and martial arts aplenty – “Hunting the Moon Tribe” reads like “Brotherhood of the Wolf” encompassed in Chinese folklore and culture. One of the strongest new voices in horror fiction that I’ve read.” – Eric Mays author of Naked Metamorphosis and host of the Authors Speak Podcast
This book is now available at amazon.com
Abortion Arcade is a collection of three novellas by one of the shining young stars of bizarro fiction. Cameron Pierce’s work is an intoxicating blend of body horror and midnight movie madness, reminiscent of early David Lynch and the splatterpunks at their most sublime. His fiction will punch you in the brain and leave you gasping for more.
Featuring:
NO CHILDREN
The apocalypse is over. Now zombies farm humans for their brains. As the imprisoned human cattle drift further from their humanity, the zombies flourish in a primitive renaissance, flying around in helicopters and living in smart houses made of human brains.
THE ROADKILL QUARTERBACK OF HEAVY METAL HIGH
After Heavy Metal High’s star quarterback dies in a car accident, Danny the Dio-worshipping werewolf must transform from loser to gridiron star in this surreal pulp tragedy about teenage anxiety, high school violence, and heavy fucking metal.
THE DESTROYED ROOM
In a near-future city where automobiles have been outlawed and exotic animals roam the streets, a man wakes up one morning to discover that everyone in the world is a marionette. Now his wife is dead and he must find the answer, or else lose everything to the Great Shark Head in the Sky.
Features: a world where people cosmetically alter their bodies to look like Japanese anime characters, cyberpunk assassins hired by electronics corporations, and a 700 pound ninja who uses his grotesque excess weight as a deadly weapon.
Many people believe that amazon.com is the big evil of the publishing world. Perhaps they are a bit evil from time to time, but they are an excellent company in a lot of other ways. I love amazon, both as a writer and as a consumer.
In my opinion, I believe that amazon.com is the best thing that ever happened to the small press. The idea that shopping through amazon is bad for publishers and writers couldn’t be further from the truth from my experience as a writer. In fact, I believe that the best way to support small press authors would be to only buy their books through amazon.com. Here’s why: the more copies of a book that sell through amazon.com, the more amazon.com recommends that book and connects it to other books.
In 2001, when my first book Satan Burger came out, I promoted it to readers who were into weird fiction. Due to the also-bought feature on amazon, my book became linked up to a very popular weird fiction book: House of Leaves. For the next three years, Satan Burger was the #1 recommended book with House of Leaves. This launched my career and even though I made less profit per book than copies that were sold at smaller sites like Shocklines.com, I still sold hundreds of copies of the book that wouldn’t have sold otherwise. I’d rather get tons of people reading my books and make just a buck or two per copy sold than make a lot of money per book sold. Ever since Satan Burger was connected to House of Leaves, I was making $500-1000 per month on just that one book, which was enough for a 23 year old with a low cost of living to write full time without need of a day job. My dream of writing as a career became a reality, and it couldn’t have happened without amazon.com.
Flash forward to the current day, Satan Burger is selling just as well as ever because amazon continues to link it up to other products, which keeps it in the public’s eye. There isn’t another bookstore in the country that would keep this book shelved that long. I’ve got 27 more books in print now, many of which sell just as well or better than Satan Burger did. And, due to also-boughts, I’ve become the number one author connected to Christopher Moore. There isn’t a bookseller in the world that would put a small press author’s book alongside a mega seller like Christopher Moore, or Chuck Palahniuk, or House of Leaves. Amazon does this, because it connects things based on what readers buy, not on what the big book industry thinks readers should be buying.
So the best way to support an author, especially a small press author, is to only buy their books through amazon.com. And these days, amazon allows much better discounts so that the publisher and author make more money when books are sold through amazon than anywhere else. This includes books sold directly from our websites. That is, unless we were to charge far more for our books, which would be unfair to the reader. It would also be a lot more work for us, and take much, much longer for the reader to receive the books.
Perhaps amazon.com is a bit on the evil side. They have pulled some cheap tricks to destroy the competition in the past, and will likely continue to do so. But as of now, at this point in time, they are a great company. You should know that the best way to support an author is to buy through amazon.com. At least at this point in time.
GWAR fans rejoice, the first novel by singer Dave Brockie (AKA Oderus Urungus) is finally here! As somebody who has been a fan of Gwar for the past 20 years it’s cool to see Eraserhead Press releasing a book by this guy.
Here’s more info:
WHARGOUL
by Dave Brockie
I Destroyed Your Life
I Raped Your Wife
I Am the Fucking Whargoul
From the killing grounds of Stalingrad to the death camps of the holocaust. From torture chambers in Iraq to race riots in the United States, the Whargoul was there – killing and raping. It is a beast born in bullets and shrapnel, feeding off of pain, misery, and hard drugs. Cursed to wander the Earth without the hope of death, it is reborn again and again to spread the gospel of hate, abuse, and genocide. But what if it’s not the only monster out there? What if there’s something worse?
From Dave Brockie, the twisted genius behind GWAR, comes a novel about the darkest days of the twentieth century. The modern world is dying and Brockie is here to put a bullet between its eyes and violate the corpse.
This is all-out fucking war!
Get it at amazon.com
This is an Eraserhead Press book I highly recommend. It’s a quick bizarro read that just gets more absurd as it goes. I don’t throw around the term brilliant too often, but this is brilliant. Check it out.
The absurd tale of an unlikely soldier forced to fight a war that, quite possibly, does not exist.
Saul Dressing is a flabby middle-aged librarian who just wants to be left alone to listen to jazz, watch porn, and cultivate his toenails. All of this changes when a soldier in a camouflage sweat suit shows up to draft him into the army of the United States of Everything. His mission is simple: go to a foreign country no one has ever heard of and incite the opposition to strike first. All alone in the middle of a desert with no enemy in sight, Saul must come to terms with the absurdity of his situation. Thus begins a surreal journey into the politics of war, consumerism, and giant robots.
It’s Rambo meets Waiting for Godot in this subversive satire of American values and the scope of the human imagination.
Get it at: Amazon.com
"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"
—Christopher Moore
"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."
—Cory Doctorow
CARLTON MELLICK III is the Wonderland Book Award-winning author of over 45 novels, including Quicksand House, Bio Melt, Cuddly Holocaust and Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. In 2013, he was named one of the top 20 science-fiction writers under the age of 40 by The Guardian UK. His work has appeared in The Year's Best Fantasy and Horror, The Best Bizarro Fiction of the Decade, and Vice Magazine.
Apeship
Six people are stranded at sea on a derelict cruise ship filled with immortal cannibal mutants.
Splatterpunk satire.
Why I Married a Clown Girl From the Dimension of Death
An man who is scared of clowns marries one and instantly regrets it.
Creepy and fun.
Glass Children
An old man is forced to get a job at a daycare center for children made of glass.
Absurd and dark.
You Always Try to Kill Me In Your Dreams
A man struggles to survive in the hellish dream worlds of his college crush.
Dark and surreal.
The Girl with the Barbed Wire Hair
A boy is stalked by a dead girl that’s fallen desperately in love with him.
Dark and creepy.
Goblins on the Other Side
A girl visits her dead grandmother in Heaven.
Creepy and surreal.
Full Metal Octopus
A fairy and an octomaid go on the run from the elf yakuza.
Pulpy and sexual.
The Bad Box
A class of fifth grade students find themselves at the mercy of a malicious godlike teacher.
Dark and absurd.
Snuggle Club
A short horror comedy that takes the art of communal snuggling to a whole new extreme.
Awkward and creepy.
Mouse Trap
A group of school children try to survive an alien invasion within an abandoned amusement park.
Dark and pulpy.
The Boy with the Chainsaw Heart
A Bio-Mech pilot drafted into Hell’s army must fight his way through a surreal afterlife in order to save his wife from slavery.
Dark and pulpy.
Neverday
The story of what happens to society after everyone in the world gets trapped in a never-ending time loop.
Dark and dystopian.
Stacking Doll
The story of a man who falls in love with a Russian nesting doll.
Dark and surreal.
Parasite MIlk
A travel show producer is infected with deadly sexually transmitted parasites after visiting a brothel on an alien planet.
Body horror science-fiction comedy.
The Big Meat
A kaiju tribute novel that explores the surreal aftermath of a giant monster attack.
Dark and gritty.
Spider Bunny
A group of college kids get trapped inside a deranged children’s cereal commercial from the 1980’s.
Creepy and absurd.
Exercise Bike
The story of a man who transformed himself into a human exercise bike and the woman who is forced to ride him.
Absurd body horror.
The Terrible Thing That Happens
In a post-apocalypse world, a small community of scavengers must survive by looting a grocery store that’s stuck in a time loop.
Dark and surreal.
Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes
A tale of childhood love and spontaneous face explosions.
Cute and disturbing.
Bio Melt
Within a toxic wasteland, six strangers find themselves trapped in an abandoned hotel, surrounded by a mysterious black ooze.
Dark and surreal.
ClownFellas
Six interconnected novellas revolving around the Bozo clown crime family
Surreal and Pulpy.
As She Stabbed Me Gently in the Face
A sociopathic killer meets an even more sociopathic victim
Dark and strange.
Sweet Story
A children’s book gone horribly wrong.
Dark humor.
The Tick People
In a city where people live like parasites on the back of a giant animal, a professional sadness-maker discovers that his soul mate is a hideous mutant.
Dark and surreal.
Hungry Bug
In a world where magic exists, spell-casting has become a serious addiction.
Gritty and pulpy.
Clusterfuck
A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code.
Comical and violent.
Quicksand House
Two children who have never met their parents before, even though they live in the same house with them, must fight for survival once their nursery becomes uninhabitable.
Dark and Dystopian.
Village of the Mermaids
An eccentric doctor travels to an isolated village of carnivorous mermaids to investigate a new disease spreading through the herd of human livestock.
Dark and Dystopian.
Cuddly Holocaust
A tale of survival set in a world where most of the human race has been exterminated by vicious stuffed animals.
Apocalyptic and brutal.
Hammer Wives
Six novellas and short stories.
Kill Ball
A slasher thriller set in a city where everyone lives in plastic bubbles.
Dystopian and surreal.
Tumor Fruit
Seven castaways stranded on a bizarre deserted island must go to extremes in order to survive.
Surreal and disturbing.
The Handsome Squirm
It’s Franz Kafka’s The Trial meets an erotic horror version of The Blob when a man is forced by law to marry an alien woman who devours her mates.
Absurd and dystopian.
Armadillo Fists
Set in a world where people drive mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars, a female boxer with armadillo hands is on the run from deranged mobsters.
Pulpy and fun.
I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter
A parody of romantic comedies about a man who finds himself engaged to a succubus who’s pregnant with his child.
Light and satirical.
Fantastic Orgy
One novella plus four short stories.
Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands
The sequel to Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland.
The Morbidly Obese Ninja
A 700 pound killing machine must go against his corporate employers in order to save a terminal child.
Pulpy and fun.
Crab Town
A bizarre bank heist set in a radioactive post-nuke ghetto.
Dystopian and relevant.
Zombies and Shit
It’s Battle Royale meets Return of the Living dead in a fight to the death game of survival where twenty contestants are put against each other in the middle of the zombie wasteland.
Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.
The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2
A group of adventurers learn they are actually fictional characters trapped in the worst Dungeons & Dragons campaign of all time.
Satirical and dumb.
Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland
A Wonderland Book Award-winning novel about a three-armed man who finds himself in the middle of a war between a gang of road warrior werewolves and mutants from a dystopian version of McDonaldland.
Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.
The Cannibals of Candyland
A man finds himself imprisoned in an under ground world populated by child-eating mutants made of candy.
Erotic and horrific.
A parody of cabin in the woods horror stories where the victims turn out to be far more deranged than the mutant killers who hunt them.
Campy and fucked up.
The Egg Man
It is a survival of the fittest world where humans reproduce like insects, children are the property of corporations, and having a ten-foot tall brain is a grotesque sexual fetish.
Dark, dystopian, and ugly.
Cybernetrix
A dark and bizarre parody of the movie Tron where a game world and our world bleed together into one reality.
Pulpy and awesome.
The Faggiest Vampire
A bizarro children’s book about two vampire rivals competing in a mustache contest to determine which one is the faggiest.
Cute and relevant.
The Ultra Fuckers
A landscaper and a trio of Japanese punks find themselves stranded in a suburban gated community that seems to go on forever.
Nightmarish and absurd.
Adolf in Wonderland
Nazis from an alternate world of absolute perfection go down the rabbit hole into a dark surreal world of chaos and imperfection.
Absurd and horrific.
Sausagey Santa
A bizarro Christmas story… filled with sex and violence.
Satirical and pulpy.
The Haunted Vagina
It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.
Satirical and absurd.
Carlton Mellick III
Carlton Mellick III 