“Candy-coated” a short story by me
It’s my birthday today, so it’s made me think of a story I wrote around my birthday last year. (It was critiqued at the Clarion West workshop the day before my birthday.)
If you haven’t read it yet, the story is called “Candy-coated.” It was published in Vice Magazine around Christmas time in their last all-fiction issue. You can still read it online here: http://www.viceland.com/int/v15n12/htdocs/candy-coated-401.php
There is also an audio version you can listen to on that page, read by the woman who does the voice on the PA at Whole Foods. I recommend reading it first and then listening to the audio, because it is funnier that way.
If you like it, let me know what you think.
Here’s a sample:
“Knob Tyler thinks he’s the strongest, toughest, most badass motherfucker on Mill Avenue. Unfortunately, Knob has a lollipop for a head. This makes him not quite as badass as he thinks he is.”
Carlton Mellick III 
July 2, 2009 at 2:09 pm
Just read it. Thank you for sharing it. I loved the idea of a guy with a lollipop head. And the name Knobert. And the pec-flexing conversations. And truckers randomly popping up for some licks. And the attention to detail, answering the little questions that pop up in your head as you read (like the reference to the curly gray hairs matted to the back of his head). And I’m sure if anyone around me says laydaaays, I’ll think of this story. Humorously tragic, and even a bit symbolic of the ways we lose ourselves I think.
I’m now looking forward to reading more of your writing. They need to get Knobert onto [Adult Swim]. I’d watch 🙂 Thanks again for commenting on the question at my site. Oh, and I don’t know you, but happy birthday — since you mentioned it.
July 2, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Thanks for checking it out.
July 2, 2009 at 5:33 pm
Good story, classic deadpan autopsy of machismo, cheese and crackers. Hope your b-day is going better than mine…
July 2, 2009 at 6:00 pm
Not going well?
July 2, 2009 at 5:43 pm
Happy birthday. You and Tao Lin have the same birthday. The post listed above this one on my blog roll is about how it’s his birthday.
July 2, 2009 at 6:00 pm
That’s awesome. I love his work.
July 2, 2009 at 10:25 pm
I read this a couple of months ago. Good stuff!
July 3, 2009 at 2:22 am
That was the first Bizarro story I’ve ever read: I thought it was hilarious, and made me thought there was even a proper name for some of the short stories I’ve written and that are out in Italy next year (and it seems I’m the only one, right now, to write Bizarro in Italy).
So, well, thanks.
And happy birthday, even if a li’l bit late.
July 3, 2009 at 12:39 pm
HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY!