Bizarro Authors | Carlton Mellick III

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Halloween Books to Read

Posted in Bizarro Authors, horror, zombies on October 26, 2010 by carltonmellick

Deadite Press, the cult horror imprint of Eraserhead Press, has these new titles that you should check out this Halloween:

SLAUGHTERHOUSE HIGH
by ROBERT DEVEREAUX

Whether you’re a fan of bizarro or extreme horror, you have to read this book. It’s a hardcore slasher tale set in a surreal alternate universe. It really is a must read.

Description:

It’s prom night in the Demented States of America. A place where schools are built with secret passageways, rebellious teens get zippers installed in their mouths and genitals, and once a year, on that special night, one couple is slaughtered and the bits of their bodies are kept as souvenirs. But something’s gone terribly wrong at Corundum High, where the secret killer is claiming a far higher body count than usual . . . Slaughterhouse High is Robert Devereaux’s slicing satire of sex, death, and public education.

Get it at amazon.com

THE BOOK OF A THOUSAND SINS
by WRATH JAMES WHITE

This is a must own not only because it’s got one of the best horror book covers of the year, but also because Wrath James White is a master of gore. This collects some of his best, most brutal tales.

Description:

God’s a mean bastard and doesn’t give a shit about you. Welcome to a world of Zombie nymphomaniacs, psychopathic deities, voodoo surgery, and murderous priests. A place where the gate to Heaven is in an elderly whore’s pussy and shit covered sewer drains lead to Hell. Where mutilation sex clubs are in vogue and torture machines are sex toys. This is the mind of Wrath James White. No one makes it out alive – not even God himself. The Book of a Thousand Sins collects fifteen anti-faith tales of depravity, gore, and sex from the celebrated master of hardcore horror. Be warned; Wrath James White is here to scar you.

Get it at amazon.com

TROLLEY NO. 1852
by EDWARD LEE

Description:

In 1934, horror writer H.P. Lovecraft is invited to write a story for a subversive underground magazine, all on the condition that a pseudonym will be used. The pay is lofty, and God knows, Lovecraft needs the money. There’s just one catch. It has to be a pornographic story . . . All Aboard Trolley No. 1852 Through the midnight bowels of New York City, the trolley travels. Admitting only a special sort of passenger, and taking them to a very select destination . . . The 1852 Club is a bordello unlike any other. Its women are the most beautiful in the whole city and they will do anything. But there is something else going on at this sex club. In the back rooms monsters are performing vile acts on each other and doors to other dimensions are opening . . .

Get it at amazon.com

ROCK AND ROLL REFORM SCHOOL ZOMBIES
by BRYAN SMITH

Description:

If you’re a teenage metal head The Southern Illinois Music Reeducation Center is not the place you want to go. The center specializes in “de-metaling” – a treatment to cure teens of their metal loving, devil worshiping ways. A program that subjects its prisoners to sexual abuse, torture, and brain-washing.

But tonight things get much worse. Tonight the flesh-eating zombies come . . .

Get it at amazon.com

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The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books on September 22, 2010 by carltonmellick

I highly recommend this book. I call it “David Cronenberg meets Dr. Seuss.”

A demented fairy tale about a pickle, a pancake, and the apocalypse.

It is Gaston Glew’s sixteenth Sad Day – the sixteenth anniversary of the saddest day of his life: his day of birth – and his parents have just committed suicide. Fed up with the sadness of Pickled Planet, Gaston Glew builds a rocket ship and blasts off into outer space, hoping to escape his briny fate.

Meanwhile, on Pancake Island, Fanny Fod, the most beautiful pancake girl in the world, nurses a secret sadness as she guards the origin of all happiness: the mysterious Cuddlywumpus. When Gaston’s rocket ship crash-lands in the sea of maple syrup that surrounds Pancake Island, nothing will ever be the same for him, or for Fanny Fod.

Captain Pickle says: “Unchain yourself from this briny fate, oh pickled prisoner, and read Cameron Pierce’s The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island: A Tragedy for People Who Eat Food!”

Get a copy at amazon.com

Cameron also pickled copies of his book, which are picture here:

pickl2
pickle3
pickle1

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Out now: “The Vegan Revolution …with Zombies!” by David Agranoff

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Fiction, Publishing, zombies on September 10, 2010 by carltonmellick

When there’s no more meat in hell,
the vegans will walk the earth.

If you are a zombie fan or a vegan you need to check out this book. Published by Deadite Press, the cult horror imprint of Eraserhead Press. I urged “punk horror” author David Agranoff to write this book because I thought it was a book that needed to be written. No one in the world could have written this book but David. I’m not a vegan, but you don’t have to be a vegan to like this. It’s just a good horror comedy that pokes fun at hipsters, Portlanders, juggalos, zombie fans, and even some aspects vegan culture. Oh, and it also pokes fun at the whole “with zombies” trend in literature that started with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. The main character works at a zombie publishing house and is copyediting the next big zombie mash-up: Of Mice and Men and Zombies.

More information:

THE VEGAN REVOLUTION …WITH ZOMBIES
BY DAVID AGRANOFF

“Like Shaun of the Dead with vegans and hipsters. A hilarious zombie comedy. I loved it!” – Carlton Mellick III

“Destined to become a favorite among zombie fans and vegans alike.” – Gina Ranalli, author of Praise the Dead

“This witty novel celebrates everything I love about vegan Portland and kills everything I hate!” – Jess of Portland’s Get Sconed vegan blog.

Presenting Stress Free Food! Animal suffering is a thing of the past. Hipsters can now enjoy bacon without guilt. Thanks to a new miracle drug the cute little pig no longer feels a thing as she is led to the slaughter. The only problem? Once the drug enters the food supply anyone who eats it is infected. From fast food burgers to free-range organic eggs, eating animal products turns people into shambling brain-dead zombies. Not even vegetarians are safe!

In Portland, Oregon, vegans, freegans, abolitionists, hardliners and raw fooders have holed up in Food Fight, one of the country’s premier vegan grocery stores at the vegan mini-mall. There they must prepare for their final battle to take back the city from the hordes of roaming undead. Will vegans filet the flesh-eaters or will they become zombie chow?

When there’s no more meat in hell, the vegans will walk the earth.

Get it at amazon.com

I really like the book. I also love the trailer for the book. It looks as if this could have easily become a movie.

I highly recommend checking out the trailer here:

Here’s some shots from the shooting:

cast
The cast of characters, including David Agranoff on the far left and bizarro author Jeff Burk as the freegan on the far right.

zombies
Zombies!

The freegan death scene

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Article on bizarro fiction in The Guardian

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Fiction, Writing Related on July 16, 2010 by carltonmellick

Major British newspaper, The Guardian, has this to say about bizarro fiction…

Bizarro fiction: it’s terribly good

Have you discovered the genre that can be stupid and intelligent at the same time?

Jeff Burk’s Shatnerquake is the story of William Shatner. Yes: Wiliam Shatner. All of the characters he has ever played are suddenly sucked into our world on a mission to hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner. As one Amazon reviewer insightfully states, if you have ever wondered what would happen if William Shatner came face to face with the incarnation of every character he ever played, then “this is the book for you”. It is also, undeniably, Shatnertastic.

Shatnerquake is a comparatively mild example of the Bizarro fiction genre. Bizarro fiction defines itself as the literary equivalent of the cult film section in a video store, taking inspiration from films such as Repo Man and Eraserhead. It aims to satisfy the demands of readers who are looking for weird, in the same way other readers go looking for action or romance. Starting a decade ago with the work of indie publishers Raw Dog Screaming Press, Afterbirth Books and Eraserhead Press, the genre now has over a dozen small publishers, its own convention and an increasing cult status among readers and writers who know weird when they see it.

If the history of Bizarro fiction is ever long enough to look back on, it’s likely that Carlton Mellick III will loom large over the retrospective. If Shatnerquake typifies the screwball exuberance of Bizarro fiction, then Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist. Satan Burger, The Cannibals of Candyland, Adolf in Wonderland, War Slut, The Haunted Vagina, The Faggiest Vampire, The Baby Jesus Butt Plug, and my personal alliterative favourite, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. These are titles that fail to offend only because of their blatant offensiveness, and illustrate Bizarro’s fascination with the vulgar, smutty, distasteful and crude.

It’s a fascination that you might feel has been taken too far with Cameron Pierce’s outrageously titled Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. The book tells the story of a fantasy world where black snow falls in the shape of swastikas, and a nightmarish, fairytale version of the Auschwitz prison camp. Prisoners 999 and 1001, conjoined twin brothers, are forced to endure the sadistic tortures of the Ass Goblins and work all day constructing bicycles and sex dolls out of dead children as they plan their escape. Ass Goblins is deliberately distasteful and offensive, an exercise in identifying the boundaries of common decency and overstepping them, over and over again, and might see Cameron Pierce lynched by rampaging mobs of Daily Express readers if he ever ventures into the UK. In an era when very little remains shocking, Pierce might have actually managed to create a genuinely disturbing work of fiction, the literary equivalent of Schindler’s List rewritten by the Marquis De Sade and filmed as a Tim Burton animated feature.

For a more charming (if less fascinatingly titled) entry to Bizarro fiction try Cursed, the second novel by Jeremy C Shipp. Here you can meet Nicholas, a man who believes he has been cursed to be slapped every day. And Cicely, Nicholas’s love interest, who is convinced that the fate of the world depends on never putting the tennis ball down. Together they seek out other victims of the curse, and confront the malevolent Pete. Cursed is like an episode of Seinfeld as written by Chuck Palahniuk: a clever, funny, meaningful and dark comedy that will take you by surprise. If I was an editor looking for the first break-out hit from the Bizarro genre, Jeremy C Shipp is where I would stake my six-figure advance.

When I first stumbled across Bizarro fiction a few months ago, I wondered if there was any really decent writing in the genre, assuming from its trashy aesthetic that catchy titles might be the pinnacle of its achievements. Bizarro fiction is by turns stupid, repulsive and crude. But at its best, it is also intelligent, compelling and well-written. Any literary genre that can be both bad and good at the same time is worth watching.

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My role in the zombie movie “The Ancient”

Posted in Bizarro Authors, zombies on July 12, 2010 by carltonmellick

About 5 years ago I was asked to appear in a low budget zombie movie called “The Ancient.” They wanted me to play a demented doomsday priest that goes door to door preaching about the end of the world. It was a good time. The movie was only available for a few weeks and is now out of print, because I believe all those involved in making it are a bit embarrassed that it exists. I probably should feel the same way but there’s nothing I like more than a bad low budget movie. Plus, my performance in the film was beyond Oscar-worthy. I really should have pursued a career in acting.

Recently, I got this fan made video that pieces together all of my scenes in the movie into one video. The scenes all put together actually do tell kind of a story, so think of it as a short film about a crazy priest trying gain some followers on the day of the zombie apocalypse.

Here it is:

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New EHP Book: “My Fake War” by Andersen Prunty

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, Bizarro Fiction, Uncategorized on May 29, 2010 by carltonmellick

This is an Eraserhead Press book I highly recommend. It’s a quick bizarro read that just gets more absurd as it goes. I don’t throw around the term brilliant too often, but this is brilliant. Check it out.

The absurd tale of an unlikely soldier forced to fight a war that, quite possibly, does not exist.

Saul Dressing is a flabby middle-aged librarian who just wants to be left alone to listen to jazz, watch porn, and cultivate his toenails. All of this changes when a soldier in a camouflage sweat suit shows up to draft him into the army of the United States of Everything. His mission is simple: go to a foreign country no one has ever heard of and incite the opposition to strike first. All alone in the middle of a desert with no enemy in sight, Saul must come to terms with the absurdity of his situation. Thus begins a surreal journey into the politics of war, consumerism, and giant robots.

It’s Rambo meets Waiting for Godot in this subversive satire of American values and the scope of the human imagination.

Get it at: Amazon.com

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If you like spaghetti westerns and bizarro fiction, you need to read this book

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Books, Publishing on April 16, 2010 by carltonmellick

Jordan Krall is a bizarro author who happens to be obsessed with the spaghetti western genre of film. When Eraserhead Press asked him to write a bizarro novel with a spaghetti western theme he jumped all over that. His work has always been crazy and one of a kind, but Fistful of feet is something special. I think it’s because his passion for spaghetti westerns really comes through in this book. People have said that it is not only one of the best weird westerns out there, but also one of the best bizarro books of last year (or perhaps even all time).

You owe it to yourself to check out this book. Here are some reasons why: Cthulhu-worshipping Indians, a woman with four feet, a Giallo-esque serial killer, a crazed gunman who is obsessed with sucking on candy, Syphilis-ridden mutants, ass juice, burping pistols, sexually transmitted tattoos, and a house devoted to the freakiest fetishes.

Check it out on amazon.com

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Patrick Wensink interview

Posted in Bizarro Authors on March 24, 2010 by carltonmellick

New Bizarro Author Series writer Patrick Wensink was just interview by Leo Weekly here:

Leo Weekly

Here’s an excerpt:

LEO: What kind of person reads bizarro fiction? Is there a community out there?

Patrick Wensink: I’m actually learning this right now, by going to bizarro conventions and meeting the other writers on the press. There isn’t one type of person who is into it — younger people, older people, etc., even conservatives. I think mostly it’s people who are looking for something different. My publisher says she looks for a book that will make people say, “Oh my god, I can’t believe someone made a book about this.” It has to be weird but original. Not just weird for weird’s sake.

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Bizarro Radio Interview

Posted in Bizarro Authors on March 11, 2010 by carltonmellick

In person, Jeremy Robert Johnson is the funniest most retarded bizarro writer that I know of, even though his fiction is some of the darkest and most powerful.

I highly recommend listening to this interview with him. It’s pretty hilarious. He is exactly like this every second you’re around him.

Click here: Interview with JRJ

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Sponsor a Bizarro Writer!

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Events on February 25, 2010 by carltonmellick

Cameron Pierce is looking for people to sponsor him for his writing marathon next week. Donate money and get some free stuff, including copies of the book he plans to write during his marathon!

From Cameron’s website:

Next week, I will be going to the Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport, Oregon with Mykle Hansen and Carlton Mellick III for a three day writing marathon. I’ll be completing my next book, The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island. I am currently seeking sponsors for this writing marathon. If you would like to contribute, here’s how the sponsorship levels break down:

$5 – Receive an original illustration of an Ass Goblin battling a flying shark.

$10 – Receive a signed advance copy of The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island

$20 – Receive the limited “Pickled Edition” of The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island (yes, this will really be a pickled book).

In addition, all sponsors will be listed on the dedication page of The Pickled Apocalypse of Pancake Island.

You can send any donations through Paypal to CameronPierce@hotmail.com. If you don’t have Paypal but would like to contribute, just shoot me a message.

For years, I’ve dreamed of going out to Sylvia Beach Hotel in Newport, Oregon for a three day writing retreat. It sounds like the most fantastic place. Every room is themed after a different author, from Edgar Allan Poe to Dr. Seuss, Gertrude Stein to Ernest Hemingway. This is the first opportunity I’ve ever had to go there, and it’s the last opportunity I’ll have for a few years.

Thank you, and please spread the word!

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