Archive for July 1, 2010

OUT NOW: The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2

Posted in Bizarro Books on July 1, 2010 by carltonmellick

My D&D parody book is now available. It is perhaps the dumbest thing ever written (by me or anyone else). It is also the best.

kobold wizard

Are you ready to play some Dungeons and Fucking Dragons?

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after having discovered that they are really just pre-rolled characters living inside of a classic AD&D role playing game. While exploring the ruins of Tardis Keep, these 6 characters must deal with their inept Dungeon Master’s retarded imagination and resist their horny teenaged players’ commands to have sex with everything in sight.

Featuring: punk rock elf chicks, death metal orcs, porn-addicted beholders, a goblin/halfling love affair, a gnoll orgy, and a magical dildo that holds the secrets of the universe.

Click here to order at