Archive for May 4, 2010

COMING SOON: The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2

Posted in Bizarro Books, Uncategorized on May 4, 2010 by carltonmellick

If anyone out there is reading this, I need your help. I am trapped within a really terrible Dungeons and Dragons campaign and I can’t find my way out. My player is a horny 14 year old loser who won’t stop forcing me to have sex with slutty elf chicks instead of going on quests. The dungeon master has severe attention deficit disorder and skips large sections of description when it comes to the world I live within. Please find my character sheet and bring it to a better dungeon master, preferably a benevolent one with a vivid imagination who actually knows what he’s doing. Please, I beg of you to deliver me from this nightmare, before all of my hit points run out . . .

– Polo Pipefingers, level 3 Halfling Fighter