Archive for December, 2009

New Short Story and article on me in The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction

Posted in Bizarro Books with tags , on December 4, 2009 by carltonmellick

A new story of mine, “Simple Machines,” was published in the new issue of The Magazine of Bizarro Fiction. The story is about a man who discovers one day that the inside of his body is infested with dozens of miniature clones of himself, who happen to control him like a machine.

There is also a big in depth article on me and my writing career, which is by far the best article that has ever been written about me. I also wrote an essay for the regular feature “Bizarro Novels that Never Were” where I talk about my novel “The Cranky Dildo” that I wrote and lost before it could ever be published.

I highly recommend getting this issue of the magazine. It is incredibly good and definitely worth the $6.95 cover price. It also includes a great short novella by Kevin Donihe called “The Traveling Dildo Salesman” that some believe to be his finest work. It’s worth the cover price for this novella alone. Mykle Hansen’s novelette “Blimpman” is also great.

If you haven’t picked up a copy of this magazine before, start with this issue.

Here are the contents:

magazine #2


Morphia by Vincent Sakowski

She can see the future but first she must drown.

The Traveling Dildo Salesman by Kevin L. Donihe

The heartwarming tale of a man that just can’t stop selling dildos.

Fathers and Sons by D. Harlan Wilson

“I think grandpa’s alive again…”

A Better Child by Gina Ranalli
A mother whose baby is literally unraveling.

Blimpman by Mykle Hansen
Can Blimpman save Pleasanton from the menace of Dr. Dickerdunner?

Simple Machines by Carlton Mellick III

What happens when you find out who’s really at the controls in your head?


Ogner Stump by Andrew Goldfarb

What sorrow awaits Ogner Stump in this adventure?

Spacefoot and the Vamptorians by Richard Tingley

Coming soon to a theater near you! Maybe not…


The Baby Jesus and Drunken Pirates: Author Spotlight on Carlton Mellick III by Jeff Burk

A career overview and analysis of bizarro high priest Carlton Mellick III

How to Give a Rousing Reading by Tom Bradley

You have no excuse to ever be boring.

The Weird, Weird West by Jordan Krall
A guide to Spaghetti Westerns for the Bizarro-minded viewer.

Only the Strange Survive: Ten Years of Eraserhead Press by Jeff Burk

A look back on the sordid, thorny, and inspiring story of Eraserhead Press

    Regular Features

A Rant from the Editor

Happy ten year anniversary to Eraserhead Press

Bizarro Book Reviews by Jeff Burk, Cameron Pierce, and Bob Chaplin

Reviews of Cosmetica by Troy Chambers, Market Adjustment by Andersen Prunty, Asphalt Flowerhead by Forrest Armstrong, Squid Pulp Blues by Jordan Krall, Help! A Bear is Eating Me! by Mykle Hansen, Ugly Heaven, Beautiful Hell by Carlton Mellick III and Jeffery Thomas, Not Quite One of the Boys by Vincent W. Sakowski, The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III, Sick: An Anthology of Illness edited by John Edward Lawson

The Bizarro Books That Never Were: The Cranky Dildo by Carlton Mellick III

The lost book of Carlton Mellick III.

Cover Art by Carlton Mellick III
Interior Art by Chrissy Horchheimer
Editor-In-Chief : Jeff Burk

Get it at:

Christopher Moore and Me

Posted in Bizarro Authors, Bizarro Events on December 2, 2009 by carltonmellick

Earlier this year I got the chance to meet Christopher Moore for the first time. It was at the Locus Awards in Seattle. He was the host of the awards. I’ve been a big fan of his work for a long time, so I was in fan boy mode while I was there. So, like a fan boy, during the signing session before the awards I went up to him to sign a copy of Fool. But what threw me off was that he recognized me.

He said something like, “Carlton Mellick III? I’ve been excited to meet you all weekend!” A dumbfounded look crossed my face and he said. “Man, you have the craziest book titles! … And the kinkiest fans!”

We talked for a while and I soon realized he is one of the coolest, nicest, most down to earth writers I’ve ever met. And I’ve met a ton of them.

Recently an author friend told me that I should quote what Christopher Moore said to me and use it as a blurb. I wasn’t sure if that’s okay to do, since it was done verbally and wasn’t in writing. But people have said “No, you totally should!”

So I think I might have to, because it is a pretty awesome blurb:

“Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles… and the kinkiest fans!” – Christopher Moore

I especially like it because it praises my readers more than my work. That’s a pretty rare thing. So there it is. I’m positing it on my website right now. Though I’ll be using the blurb online, I probably won’t use it elsewhere unless I get explicit permission. Maybe I’ll contact him about it soon.

I might have to also blog about my experience with Chuck Palahniuk at some point. He was one my instructors at the Clarion workshop, so I basically lived with him for a week. There’s a lot of stories from that. A great guy. Conversations with him are endlessly interesting, because he has so many weird stories and anecdotes.