Limited edition hardcovers | Carlton Mellick III

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CLOWNFELLAS – Signed Limited edition Hardcover

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Fiction, Limited edition hardcovers with tags Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick, clownfellas, clowns, Limited edition hardcovers on August 19, 2025 by carltonmellick

CLOWNFELLAS: TALES OF THE BINZO FAMILY

In a topsy-turvy world where clowns are killers and crooks, Little Bigtop is a three-ring circus of crime, and no syndicate is more dangerous than the Binzo family. From the wildly original mind of Carlton Mellick III comes the short-story collection ClownFellas—an epic mob saga where life is cheap and the gags will slay you.

For years, the hard-boiled capos of the Binzo family have run all of the funny business in Little Bigtop, from the clown brothels to the illegal comedy trade. But hard times have befallen the Binzos now that Le Mystère, the French clown Mafia, has started moving in and trying to take over the city. If that weren’t enough, they’ve got to deal with the cops, the Feds, the snitches, the carnies, the mysterious hit man Mr. Pogo, and the mutant clowns over in the Sideshow district. With the odds stacked against them, the Binzos must fight to survive . . . or die laughing.

COVER ART BY RICCARDO LA BELLA AND ADA PICCOLO

ILLUSTRATIONS BY RICCARDO LA BELLA

CASE LAMINATE HARDCOVER

568 PAGES

LIMITED TO 500 COPIES

SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR

RELEASED IN AUGUST 2025

$120 plus shipping

USA PREORDER

INTERNATIONAL PREORDER

SAUSAGEY SANTA – Signed Limited Edition Hardcover

Posted in absurdism, Bizarro Books, Limited edition hardcovers with tags Bizarro Fiction, Carlton Mellick, Limited edition hardcovers, Santa, Sausagey Santa on August 19, 2025 by carltonmellick

SAUSAGEY SANTA

The Fry Family must help a mutated Santa Claus save Christmas from an evil menace known as Frosty the Neo-Nazi Snowman in this 2006 Bizarro Christmas Comedy Classic.

COVER ART BY TIN BUI

ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOEY BARR

CASE LAMINATE HARDCOVER

172 PAGES

LIMITED TO 500 COPIES

SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR

RELEASED IN APRIL 2025

$60 plus shipping

USA ORDER

INTERNATIONAL ORDER

SWEET STORY – Signed Limited Edition Hardcover

Posted in CM3 Library, Limited edition hardcovers, signed editions with tags Bizarro Fiction, books, Carlton Mellick, fantasy, hardcover, post-apocalypse, reading, sweet story, writing on October 15, 2024 by carltonmellick

SWEET STORY

Sally is an odd little girl. It’s not because she dresses as if she’s from the Edwardian era or spends most of her time playing with creepy talking dolls. It’s because she chases rainbows as if they were butterflies. She believes that if she finds the end of the rainbow then magical things will happen to her–leprechauns will shower her with gold and fairies will grant her every wish. But when she actually does find the end of a rainbow one day, and is given the opportunity to wish for whatever she wants, Sally asks for something that she believes will bring joy to children all over the world. She wishes that it would rain candy forever. She had no idea that her innocent wish would lead to the extinction of all life on earth.

Sweet Story is a children’s book gone horribly wrong. What starts as a cute, charming tale of rainbows and wishes soon becomes a vicious, unrelenting tale of survival in an inhospitable world full of cannibals and rapists.

The Sweet Story hardcover is sold in two cover variations.

COVER #1

COVER ART BY CORO COFEROSA

ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOEY BARR

CASE LAMINATE HARDCOVER

200 PAGES

LIMITED TO 250 COPIES

SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR

RELEASED IN SEPTEMBER 2024

$60 plus shipping

USA PREORDER

INTERNATIONAL PREORDER

COVER #2

COVER ART BY EMMANUEL OMENDA JR.

ILLUSTRATIONS BY JOEY BARR

CASE LAMINATE HARDCOVER

200 PAGES

LIMITED TO 250 COPIES

SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR

RELEASED IN SEPTEMBER 2024

$60 plus shipping

USA PREORDER

INTERNATIONAL PREORDER

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Featured Titles

Apeship
Six people are stranded at sea on a derelict cruise ship filled with immortal cannibal mutants.
Splatterpunk satire.

Why I Married a Clown Girl From the Dimension of Death
An man who is scared of clowns marries one and instantly regrets it.
Creepy and fun.

Glass Children
An old man is forced to get a job at a daycare center for children made of glass.
Absurd and dark.

You Always Try to Kill Me In Your Dreams
A man struggles to survive in the hellish dream worlds of his college crush.
Dark and surreal.

The Girl with the Barbed Wire Hair
A boy is stalked by a dead girl that’s fallen desperately in love with him.
Dark and creepy.

Goblins on the Other Side
A girl visits her dead grandmother in Heaven.
Creepy and surreal.

Full Metal Octopus
A fairy and an octomaid go on the run from the elf yakuza.
Pulpy and sexual.

The Bad Box
A class of fifth grade students find themselves at the mercy of a malicious godlike teacher.
Dark and absurd.

Snuggle Club
A short horror comedy that takes the art of communal snuggling to a whole new extreme.
Awkward and creepy.

Mouse Trap
A group of school children try to survive an alien invasion within an abandoned amusement park.
Dark and pulpy.

The Boy with the Chainsaw Heart
A Bio-Mech pilot drafted into Hell’s army must fight his way through a surreal afterlife in order to save his wife from slavery.
Dark and pulpy.

Neverday
The story of what happens to society after everyone in the world gets trapped in a never-ending time loop.
Dark and dystopian.

Stacking Doll
The story of a man who falls in love with a Russian nesting doll.
Dark and surreal.

Parasite MIlk
A travel show producer is infected with deadly sexually transmitted parasites after visiting a brothel on an alien planet.
Body horror science-fiction comedy.

The Big Meat
A kaiju tribute novel that explores the surreal aftermath of a giant monster attack.
Dark and gritty.

Spider Bunny
A group of college kids get trapped inside a deranged children’s cereal commercial from the 1980’s.
Creepy and absurd.

Exercise Bike
The story of a man who transformed himself into a human exercise bike and the woman who is forced to ride him.
Absurd body horror.

The Terrible Thing That Happens
In a post-apocalypse world, a small community of scavengers must survive by looting a grocery store that’s stuck in a time loop.
Dark and surreal.

Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes
A tale of childhood love and spontaneous face explosions.
Cute and disturbing.

Bio Melt
Within a toxic wasteland, six strangers find themselves trapped in an abandoned hotel, surrounded by a mysterious black ooze.
Dark and surreal.

ClownFellas
Six interconnected novellas revolving around the Bozo clown crime family
Surreal and Pulpy.

As She Stabbed Me Gently in the Face
A sociopathic killer meets an even more sociopathic victim
Dark and strange.

Sweet Story
A children’s book gone horribly wrong.
Dark humor.

The Tick People
In a city where people live like parasites on the back of a giant animal, a professional sadness-maker discovers that his soul mate is a hideous mutant.
Dark and surreal.

Hungry Bug
In a world where magic exists, spell-casting has become a serious addiction.
Gritty and pulpy.

Clusterfuck
A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code.
Comical and violent.

Quicksand House
Two children who have never met their parents before, even though they live in the same house with them, must fight for survival once their nursery becomes uninhabitable.
Dark and Dystopian.

Village of the Mermaids
An eccentric doctor travels to an isolated village of carnivorous mermaids to investigate a new disease spreading through the herd of human livestock.
Dark and Dystopian.

Cuddly Holocaust
A tale of survival set in a world where most of the human race has been exterminated by vicious stuffed animals.
Apocalyptic and brutal.

Hammer Wives
Six novellas and short stories.

Kill Ball
A slasher thriller set in a city where everyone lives in plastic bubbles.
Dystopian and surreal.

Tumor Fruit
Seven castaways stranded on a bizarre deserted island must go to extremes in order to survive.
Surreal and disturbing.

The Handsome Squirm
It’s Franz Kafka’s The Trial meets an erotic horror version of The Blob when a man is forced by law to marry an alien woman who devours her mates.
Absurd and dystopian.

Armadillo Fists
Set in a world where people drive mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars, a female boxer with armadillo hands is on the run from deranged mobsters.
Pulpy and fun.

I Knocked Up Satan’s Daughter
A parody of romantic comedies about a man who finds himself engaged to a succubus who’s pregnant with his child.
Light and satirical.

Fantastic Orgy
One novella plus four short stories.

Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands
The sequel to Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland.

The Morbidly Obese Ninja
A 700 pound killing machine must go against his corporate employers in order to save a terminal child.
Pulpy and fun.

Crab Town
A bizarre bank heist set in a radioactive post-nuke ghetto.
Dystopian and relevant.

Zombies and Shit
It’s Battle Royale meets Return of the Living dead in a fight to the death game of survival where twenty contestants are put against each other in the middle of the zombie wasteland.
Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2
A group of adventurers learn they are actually fictional characters trapped in the worst Dungeons & Dragons campaign of all time.

Satirical and dumb.

Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland
A Wonderland Book Award-winning novel about a three-armed man who finds himself in the middle of a war between a gang of road warrior werewolves and mutants from a dystopian version of McDonaldland.

Apocalyptic, pulpy, and epic.

The Cannibals of Candyland
A man finds himself imprisoned in an under ground world populated by child-eating mutants made of candy.
Erotic and horrific.

Apeshit

A parody of cabin in the woods horror stories where the victims turn out to be far more deranged than the mutant killers who hunt them.

Campy and fucked up.

The Egg Man
It is a survival of the fittest world where humans reproduce like insects, children are the property of corporations, and having a ten-foot tall brain is a grotesque sexual fetish.
Dark, dystopian, and ugly.

Cybernetrix
A dark and bizarre parody of the movie Tron where a game world and our world bleed together into one reality.
Pulpy and awesome.

The Faggiest Vampire
A bizarro children’s book about two vampire rivals competing in a mustache contest to determine which one is the faggiest.
Cute and relevant.

The Ultra Fuckers
A landscaper and a trio of Japanese punks find themselves stranded in a suburban gated community that seems to go on forever.
Nightmarish and absurd.

Adolf in Wonderland
Nazis from an alternate world of absolute perfection go down the rabbit hole into a dark surreal world of chaos and imperfection.
Absurd and horrific.

Sausagey Santa
A bizarro Christmas story… filled with sex and violence.
Satirical and pulpy.

The Haunted Vagina
It’s difficult to love a woman whose vagina is a gateway to the world of the dead.
Satirical and absurd.

Praise for Carlton Mellick III

"If you like satires which are highly imaginative, subversive, gory, funny as hell and completely surreal CM3 may be your literary messiah."

—Ricardo Gonzalez Del Valle

"CM3 is the most imaginative writer since Lethem and Vonnegut. Different, and absolutely thought provoking..."

—Daniel McCreary

"Carlton Mellick creates fascinating and intricate worlds out of meat, slime, sexuality, wire, and the kind of nightmares that make you laugh when you wake up."

—Jemiah Jefferson

"Brilliant writing that oozes into your skull and melts your brain like a box of a zillion crayons."

—Idiot Alien Thought Creature

"His books are from another universe."

—Cameron Pierce

"Mellick is smarter than the dumbness he tries to coat his writing in; you feel like you're reading a comic or watching MTV - but that underneath there is something deeper and smarter than the cartoonish presentation before your eyes."

—Euchrid

"Through childlike narration Mr. Mellick can present to his reader some of the most curious and knee-slapingly hysterical blaspheme."

—Ian David McGowen

"There is depth behind his simplistic prose, and humor all around it. What at first seems unsophisticated quickly becomes a firm identity to the characters, and you realize the intelligence behind the naivety. Yes, it's all on purpose, and you've just been had!"

—Schtinky

"Mellick has definitely joined the ranks of the bizarre literary geniuses such as Burroughs, Philip K. Dick, and Vonnegut."

—Charles Glover

"Mellick's imagination is boundless, and his writing truly shows this. His characters, plot, and writing style are original, enjoyable, and inspiring."

—Lionel Bigsby

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Carlton Mellick III