Carlton Mellick III

Cover for my upcoming zombie book

carltonmellick — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 03:24:04 +0000

Return of the living dead style zombies + punks of the apocalypse in a battle royale style game show. Coming soon.

Article on bizarro fiction in The Guardian

carltonmellick — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 01:40:43 +0000

Major British newspaper, The Guardian, has this to say about bizarro fiction…

Bizarro fiction: it’s terribly good

Have you discovered the genre that can be stupid and intelligent at the same time?

Jeff Burk’s Shatnerquake is the story of William Shatner. Yes: Wiliam Shatner. All of the characters he has ever played are suddenly sucked into our world on a mission to hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner. As one Amazon reviewer insightfully states, if you have ever wondered what would happen if William Shatner came face to face with the incarnation of every character he ever played, then “this is the book for you”. It is also, undeniably, Shatnertastic.

Shatnerquake is a comparatively mild example of the Bizarro fiction genre. Bizarro fiction defines itself as the literary equivalent of the cult film section in a video store, taking inspiration from films such as Repo Man and Eraserhead. It aims to satisfy the demands of readers who are looking for weird, in the same way other readers go looking for action or romance. Starting a decade ago with the work of indie publishers Raw Dog Screaming Press, Afterbirth Books and Eraserhead Press, the genre now has over a dozen small publishers, its own convention and an increasing cult status among readers and writers who know weird when they see it.

If the history of Bizarro fiction is ever long enough to look back on, it’s likely that Carlton Mellick III will loom large over the retrospective. If Shatnerquake typifies the screwball exuberance of Bizarro fiction, then Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves, Mellick is a true artist. Satan Burger, The Cannibals of Candyland, Adolf in Wonderland, War Slut, The Haunted Vagina, The Faggiest Vampire, The Baby Jesus Butt Plug, and my personal alliterative favourite, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland. These are titles that fail to offend only because of their blatant offensiveness, and illustrate Bizarro’s fascination with the vulgar, smutty, distasteful and crude.

It’s a fascination that you might feel has been taken too far with Cameron Pierce’s outrageously titled Ass Goblins of Auschwitz. The book tells the story of a fantasy world where black snow falls in the shape of swastikas, and a nightmarish, fairytale version of the Auschwitz prison camp. Prisoners 999 and 1001, conjoined twin brothers, are forced to endure the sadistic tortures of the Ass Goblins and work all day constructing bicycles and sex dolls out of dead children as they plan their escape. Ass Goblins is deliberately distasteful and offensive, an exercise in identifying the boundaries of common decency and overstepping them, over and over again, and might see Cameron Pierce lynched by rampaging mobs of Daily Express readers if he ever ventures into the UK. In an era when very little remains shocking, Pierce might have actually managed to create a genuinely disturbing work of fiction, the literary equivalent of Schindler’s List rewritten by the Marquis De Sade and filmed as a Tim Burton animated feature.

For a more charming (if less fascinatingly titled) entry to Bizarro fiction try Cursed, the second novel by Jeremy C Shipp. Here you can meet Nicholas, a man who believes he has been cursed to be slapped every day. And Cicely, Nicholas’s love interest, who is convinced that the fate of the world depends on never putting the tennis ball down. Together they seek out other victims of the curse, and confront the malevolent Pete. Cursed is like an episode of Seinfeld as written by Chuck Palahniuk: a clever, funny, meaningful and dark comedy that will take you by surprise. If I was an editor looking for the first break-out hit from the Bizarro genre, Jeremy C Shipp is where I would stake my six-figure advance.

When I first stumbled across Bizarro fiction a few months ago, I wondered if there was any really decent writing in the genre, assuming from its trashy aesthetic that catchy titles might be the pinnacle of its achievements. Bizarro fiction is by turns stupid, repulsive and crude. But at its best, it is also intelligent, compelling and well-written. Any literary genre that can be both bad and good at the same time is worth watching.

My role in the zombie movie “The Ancient”

carltonmellick — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 15:15:40 +0000

About 5 years ago I was asked to appear in a low budget zombie movie called “The Ancient.” They wanted me to play a demented doomsday priest that goes door to door preaching about the end of the world. It was a good time. The movie was only available for a few weeks and is now out of print, because I believe all those involved in making it are a bit embarrassed that it exists. I probably should feel the same way but there’s nothing I like more than a bad low budget movie. Plus, my performance in the film was beyond Oscar-worthy. I really should have pursued a career in acting.

Recently, I got this fan made video that pieces together all of my scenes in the movie into one video. The scenes all put together actually do tell kind of a story, so think of it as a short film about a crazy priest trying gain some followers on the day of the zombie apocalypse.

Here it is:

“Sex Dungeon For Sale” – a short film

carltonmellick — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 20:59:22 +0000

Here’s a short film based on the title story from the New Bizarro Author Series book Sex Dungeon for Sale by Patrick Wensink.

Nominees for the Wonderland Book Award

carltonmellick — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 19:29:51 +0000

BEST NOVEL

FISTFUL OF FEET by Jordan Krall
SHATNERQUAKE by Jeff Burk
WARRIOR WOLF WOMEN OF THE WASTELAND by Carlton Mellick III
ARCHELON RANCH by Garrett Cook
ASS GOBLINS OF AUSCHWITZ by Cameron Pierce

BEST COLLECTION

SILENT WEAPONS FOR QUIET WARS by Cody Goodfellow
A MILLION VERSIONS OF RIGHT by Matthew Revert
SEX DUNGEON FOR SALE by Patrick Wensink
SCREAMS FROM A DYING WORLD by David Agranoff
SEE JACK by Russell Edson

OUT NOW: The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2

carltonmellick — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 20:30:37 +0000

My D&D parody book is now available. It is perhaps the dumbest thing ever written (by me or anyone else). It is also the best.

Are you ready to play some Dungeons and Fucking Dragons?

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 is an absurd comedy about a group of adventurers (elf, halfling, bard, dwarf, assassin, thief) going through an existential crisis after having discovered that they are really just pre-rolled characters living inside of a classic AD&D role playing game. While exploring the ruins of Tardis Keep, these 6 characters must deal with their inept Dungeon Master’s retarded imagination and resist their horny teenaged players’ commands to have sex with everything in sight.

Featuring: punk rock elf chicks, death metal orcs, porn-addicted beholders, a goblin/halfling love affair, a gnoll orgy, and a magical dildo that holds the secrets of the universe.

Click here to order at amazon.com

“Lost in Cat Brain Land” by Cameron Pierce

carltonmellick — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 17:31:55 +0000

A new collection by Portland bizarro fiction writer, Cameron Pierce, is out now. It includes several short stories as well as the novella Drain Angel.

LOST IN CAT BRAIN LAND

Sad stories from a surreal world.

A fascist mustache, the ghost of Franz Kafka, a desert inside a dead cat. Primordial entities mourn the death of their child. The desperate serve tea to mysterious creatures. A hopeless romantic falls in love with a pterodactyl.

From a post-apocalyptic Los Angeles where robotic gargoyles are law, to a blighted suburbia where the elephant god Ganesh seeks revenge on a man and his android wife, Cat Brain Land is a place of domestic despair and nightmare foreboding. Where sirloin steaks enroll in daycare and ex-lovers return as tiny dolls.

This is a land of camel people and the Lord of Meat. The farther into Cat Brain Land you get, the more difficult it will be to get out.

Click here to get it from amazon.com

Bizarro Issue of Pedestal Magazine

carltonmellick — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 17:29:11 +0000

D. Harlan Wilson edited a special issue of the Pedestal Magazine featuring bizarro fiction stories.

Here’s the lineup:

Me. “Pangea II: A Travel Narrative.” Introduction.
Steve Aylett. “Logical Harm.” Novel Excerpt.
Dawn Comer. “Avocado.” Flash Fiction.
Mykle Hansen. “Please Do Not Rub the Clams.” Flash Fiction.
Taik Hobson. “Project Gryphon.” Short Story.
John Edward Lawson. “View from a Pedestal.” Short Story.
Cameron Pierce. “The Grown Family, Destroyed.” Short Story.
Nick Kocz. “Memo from Arachnid Productions.” Novel Excerpt.

You can read them free online here.

books by Edward Lee

carltonmellick — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 23:24:43 +0000

Deadite Press, the cult horror imprint of Eraserhead Press, has just released two books by gore legend Edward Lee.

What is really awesome is that I personally came up with the titles for each of these books. I also selected the cover images (both by the great Alan Clark). When Edward Lee submitted these collections, he told Eraserhead Press to go ahead and name them for him. After a couple of days of brainstorming with Rose O’Keefe and Jeff Burk, I pitched the titles “Bullet Through Your Face” and “Brain Cheese Buffet” and everybody liked them.

Check them out:

Bullet Through Your Face

No writer is more extreme, perverted, or gross than Edward Lee. His world is one of psychopathic redneck rapists, sex addicted demons, and semen stealing aliens. Brace yourself, the king of splatterspunk is guaranteed to shock, offend, and make you laugh until you vomit. Bullet Through Your Face collects three novellas demonstrating Lee’s mind-blasting talent.

Ever Nat – One man is forced to endure an unimaginable torment just to stay alive, one night at a time.

The Salt-Diviner – A touching story of one couple and the quadriplegic, homeless fortune teller locked in their basement.

The Refrigerator Full of Sperm – Why are all the men of Luntville falling into comas with their pants down and dicks up?

Click here to order from Amazon

Brain Cheese Buffet

You’ve seen Cannibal Holocaust. You’ve seen Salo. You’ve seen Nekromantik. You ain’t seen shit!

Zombie prostitutes, religious rapists, horny werewolves, death by vomit, and sexual fetishes scraped off the sidewalk. From sex prisons to mafia torture chambers, hold on tight because you’re about to enter the perverted and twisted mind of Edward Lee. Once you’ve seen what he has to show you – there’s no coming back.

Brain Cheese Buffet collects nine of Lee’s most sought after tales of violence and body fluids. Featuring the Stoker nominated “Mr. Torso,” the legendary gross-out piece “the Dritiphilist,” the notorious “The McCrath Model SS40-C, Series S,” and six more stories to test your gag reflex.

Click here to order from Amazon

Werewolf anthology featuring “War Pig” now available for pre-order

carltonmellick — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 02:12:14 +0000

My story “War Pig” will soon appear in the werewolf anthology “Werewolves and Shape Shifters: Encounters with the Beast Within” edited by the one and only John Skipp. This story (about 6,000 words) is the one that I described as a steampunk version of Fight Club with werepigs. Of course, it’s actually more like Death Sport than Fight Club and there’s only one werepig, but there is also a werebear, a were jaguar, werejellyfish, and a werebulldog, among others. It’s personally one of my favorite short stories I’ve written in a long time. I hope to write more like it.

This anthology also includes fellow bizarros Jeremy Robert Johnson, Cody Goodfellow, and Nicole Cushing, as well as Chuck Palahniuk, Neil Gaiman, HP Lovecraft, George R R Martin, Kathe Koja, Francesca Lia Block, Charlainne Harris, Joe R Landsdale and a ton of other amazing writers.

Here are the contents:

THE COMPANY OF WOLVES – Angela Carter
THE OTHER SIDE – Count Stenbock
THE LADY ON THE GREY – John Collier
GABRIEL-ERNEST — Saki
THE SHADOW OVER INNSMOUTH – H.P. Lovecraft
GRANDFATHER WOLF – Steve Rasnic Tem
FIRE DOG – Joe R. Lansdale
PURE SILVER – A.C. Crispin and Kathleen O’Malley
GIFT-WRAP – Charlaine Harris
SIDE-EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE – Steve Duffy
UNLESS YOU CHANGE – Francesca Lia Block
FORGIVEN – Eric Shapiro
THE COLD THAT FLAYS THE SKIN – Tessa Gratton
IL DONNAIOLO – Brad C. Hodson
WEREWOLF 101 – Mercedes M. Yardley
MANDIBLE – Alice Henderson
FAR AND WEE – Kathe Koja
BRAIDS – Melanie Tem
NOT FROM AROUND HERE – David J. Schow
THE SKIN TRADE – George R.R. Martin
THE ANIMAL ASPECT OF HER MOVEMENT – Adam Golaski
STRANGE SKIN – Bentley Little
BREAK-UP – Richard Christian Matheson
THE BETTER HALF: A LOVE STORY – Scott Bradley and Peter Giglio
PLASTIC FANTASTIC – Dieter Meyer and Maxwell Hart
WARM, IN YOUR COAT – Violet Glaze
ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN PIGGY CLASS – Nicole Cushing
HOWL OF THE SHEEP – Cody Goodfellow
PIECES OF ETHAN – Adam-Troy Castro
I COVET ALL THE WANING HOURS – Zak Jarvis
WHEN SUSSURUS STIRS – Jeremy Robert Johnson
WAR PIG – Carlton Mellick III
DISSERTATION – Chuck Palahniuk
ONLY THE END OF THE WORLD AGAIN – Neil Gaiman
SWEETHEART COME – Alethea Kontis

It will be released September 22nd, but you can preorder it on amazon here:
http://www.amazon.com/Werewolves-Shape-Shifters-Encounters-Beasts/dp/1579128521

This anthology is a followup to the zombie anthology, “Zombies: Encounters with the Hungry Dead,” which includes my story “Lemon Knives n Cockroaches.”

You can get this one now at amazon.com.