Apeshit fans rejoice. Clusterfuck is now available!
A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code . . .
From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits Satan Burger and Adolf in Wonderland, comes a violent and hilarious B movie in book form. Set in the same woods as Mellick’s splatterpunk satire Apeshit, Clusterfuck follows Trent Chesterton, alpha bro, who has come up with what he thinks is a flawless plan to get laid. He invites three hot chicks and his three best bros on a weekend of extreme cave diving in a remote area known as Turtle Mountain, hoping to impress the ladies with his expert caving skills.
But things don’t quite go as Trent planned. For starters, only one of the three chicks turns out to be remotely hot and she has no interest in him for some inexplicable reason. Then he ends up looking like a total dumbass when everyone learns he’s never actually gone caving in his entire life. And to top it all off, he’s the one to get blamed once they find themselves lost and trapped deep underground with no way to turn back and no possible chance of rescue. What’s a bro to do? Sure he could win some points if he actually tried to save the ladies from the family of unkillable subterranean cannibal mutants hunting them for their flesh, but fuck that. No slam piece is worth that amount of effort. He’d much rather just use them as bait so that he can save himself.
It’s Tucker Max versus The Descent in this gore-filled comedy for the camp horror fan.
Now available at amazon.com
Praise for Apeshit, prequel to Clusterfuck
“The new gold standard in unstoppable fetus-fucking killfreakomania, Mellick’s APESHIT both earns and transcends its awesome title. Genuine all-meat hardcore horror meets unadulterated Bizarro brainwarp strangeness. The results are beyond jaw-dropping, and fill me with pure, unforgivable joy.”
— JOHN SKIPP, New York Times Bestselling author and splatterpunk superstar
“Hilarious, insightful and absolutely over-the-fucking-top, Apeshit will appeal to both traditional slasher fans and readers who want something a bit heavier.”
–BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising
“An electrifying read, Apeshit successfully combines an exciting, blood-splattering slasher story with unexpected social commentary.”
— THE DREAM PEOPLE
“With undead necrophilia, monster-rape sodomy, abortion porn, more spilled guts than your average Fulci film, and so many more grotesqueries you’d need a notebook to remember them all, APESHIT just may be the extreme gorehound’s dream come true.”
— THE HORROR FICTION REVIEW
“Apeshit begins with a typical dead teenager setup. Three cheerleaders and three football players head out to a cabin in the woods. Yawn. But, this is a Carlton Mellick book. Each of the characters is funny and scary in their own way, a far cry from the cannon fodder Freddy and Jason types usually encounter. There’s Desdemona the punk cheerleader who wants to cover herself completely with tattoos, her former best friend Crystal who has an extremely disturbing fetish, dysfunctional Stephanie with her vagina dentata and horrible past and Rick and Kevin who are both with Desdemona, but would rather be with one another. The six are pitted against a horrific urban legend with crab claws and a particularly hideous mutation, and from there it all goes…well, look at the title. Gorehounds who like the scatology of South Park, the weirdness of Peter Jackson gore flicks and the confrontational brutality of Last House on the Left will all relish this loving homage to a genre that once looked this sick and exciting to Americans.”
— DOC FAUSTUS