The Dream People is the ORIGINAL bizarro fiction webzine, debuting back in 1999 (when I was the head editor). It’s now on issue #37. An excerpt from my book Armadillo Fists has been published there. There are also novel excerpts and short stories from Michael A. Arnzen, Blake Butler, Sean Kilpatrick, William Pauley III, Andersen Prunty, Donna Fleck and Gary J. Shipley. And an essay from Lance Olsen.
Check it out here: http://www.dreampeople.org/
Tickets for BizarroCon are now on sale. If you are involved or want to be involved in the bizarro fiction scene this is a must-attend event.
Go to the website for more info.
My new novel, Armadillo Fists, is now available at amazon.com. In my opinion, this is probably the best book I’ve written yet. A lot of my books have been released this year, but this is the one I most recommend. Stylistically, it is similar to Zombies and Shit or Crab Town (It has the epic pacing and character development of Zombies and Shit, but with the crime-drama-set-in-a-surreal-world flavor of Crab Town.)
Anyway, if you only read one of my books published this year, make it this one…
A weird-as-hell gangster story set in a world where people drive giant mechanical dinosaurs instead of cars.
Her name is Psycho June Howard, aka Armadillo Fists, a woman who replaced both of her hands with living armadillos. She was once the most bloodthirsty fighter in the world of illegal underground boxing. But now she is on the run from a group of psychotic gangsters who believe she’s responsible for the death of their boss.
With the help of a stegosaurus driver named Mr. Fast Awesome–who thinks he is God’s gift to women even though he doesn’t have any arms or legs–June must do whatever it takes to escape her pursuers, even if she has to kill each and every one of them in the process.
Strange, engaging characters, breakneck pacing, and jam-packed with more brilliantly weird concepts than you’ll know what to do with–this is cult author Carlton Mellick III at his best.
Available at amazon.com
In addition to Armadillo Fists, two more bizarro books have just been released:
As I have said in the past, I mentor new authors from time to time. Cameron Pierce and Athena Villaverde are two authors I work with regularly. I put a lot of love and attention into these authors and highly recommend their work to those who enjoy my books. They have just released books that I consider must-reads. So if you plan on getting Armadillo Fists, I recommend also adding these two books to your amazon.com shopping cart.
CLOCKWORK GIRL
BY ATHENA VILLAVERDE
Athena writes strange urban fairy tales. If urban fairy tales are your thing then she is a must read. Think of her as the bizarro equivalent to alternative young adult authors like Francesca Lia Block, Kathe Koja, and Charles de Lint. Fans of Tim Burton, Hayao Miyazaki, or any Studio Ghibli/Japanese animation films would also love her work.
Athena’s 2nd book is the real deal. If you thought she couldn’t possibly beat her awesome debut effort, Starfish Girl, then you’ll be happy to hear her second book not only surpasses her first but blows it completely out of the water. Clockwork Girl is a collection of three short novellas, including the title story which you might have already read in the Bizarro Starter Kit (purple). It also includes “Caterpillar Girl” which is basically a high school drama set in a world of bug people and “Beehive Girl” which is a poetic story about a dancer with living beehive skin who demands the best of her dance partners or else they will be stung to death.
This book is designed to be an introduction to Athena’s work. It proves that she will soon become a major female voice . . . not just in the world of bizarro fiction, but in the world of literature as a whole.
Available at
amazon.com
GARGOYLE GIRLS OF SPIDER ISLAND
BY CAMERON PIERCE
If you follow bizarro fiction you probably already know about the work of Cameron Pierce. When it comes to strange imagery, Cameron is king. Nobody can make you visualize the surreal quite like Cameron can. His stories take place in weird worlds that go beyond anything you’ve ever imagined. As I often say, he is best described as Dr. Seuss meets David Cronenberg (and by Cronenberg, I mean early squishy “Videodrome” Cronenberg).
His latest book, Gargoyle Girls of Spider Island, is in my top three favorite Cameron books next to Ass Goblins of Auschwitz and the novella “No Children” published in Abortion Arcade. This book is bizarro pulp trash at its best. It is fast-paced, goofy, gory, low-brow fun yet despite all of that it’s also perhaps Cameron’s most finely-crafted story yet. This one really surprised me.
An excellent young author who will only get better with each book he writes, Cameron Pierce is obviously a must read for bizarro fiction fans.
Available at amazon.com
By the way: at amazon.com, shipping is free on book orders of $25 or more, so you might want to get all three of these books together to save a bit of money.
I’m looking for bizarro short stories 2,000 – 8,000 words for the upcoming anthology “THE BIBLE PART II: The Long-Awaited Sequel to the #1 Bestselling Bizarro Fiction Novel of All Time!”.
The stories should be crazy bizarro fiction sequels to stories from the bible (old or new testament), or they should be completely original modern day biblical stories. Imagine if Michael Bay directed a crappy big budget Hollywood sequel to the Bible, with tons of over-the-top special effects, machine guns, explosions, motorcycles, sexy characters, and ridiculous plots. That’s the kind of thing I’m looking for. And, of course, I’d like them funny and weird.
Send a query to me at carltonmellick3 (at) yahoo.com with an idea for a story. Pitch me your idea in a paragraph or less. Include a bio. I’d like you to do this so that A) you don’t have to write it if I’m not going to be interested in the concept and B) I don’t want multiple people doing the same types of stories. Send multiple story pitches if you like.
Deadline for pitches: September 1st
Deadline for submissions: November 1st
Remember: The more ridiculous the better. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.
-CM3
These days, if you want to run a successful company . . .
you’re going to need a lot of ninjas.
Neo Tokyo, California is a city built so high that none of its residents have ever seen the ground. It is a place where citizens cosmetically alter their bodies to look like Japanese anime characters. It is a place where ninja battles determine the fate of corporate business ventures. It is the home of Basu, a 700 pound killing machine who uses his grotesque excess weight as a deadly weapon. In this city, there is no ninja more deadly than Basu. He’s well-trained, well-armed, and well-fed. And if you work for one of his competitors, he’s coming to kill you.
NOW AVAILABLE AT AMAZON.COM
Features: a world where people cosmetically alter their bodies to look like Japanese anime characters, cyberpunk assassins hired by electronics corporations, and a 700 pound ninja who uses his grotesque excess weight as a deadly weapon.
This year I’ve got quite a few new books coming out, as well as many re-issues of older books.
WAR SLUT
This is a first of many older books to be re-issued with new cover art, as well as some minor editing work.
CRAB TOWN
A bizarro bank heist novella.
THE MORBIDLY OBESE NINJA
My second short story collection, finally coming out after a decade. The title novella is about a cyberpunk ninja that is 700 pounds of pure badassery.
BARBARIAN BEAST BITCHES OF THE BADLANDS
A collection of three novellas that take place before, after, and during the events of Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland
In the works:
SEVEN CYBORGS
A bizarro retelling of Seven Samurai, in outer space.
THE HANDSOME SQUIRM
A pregnant demon arrives at the door of a young man’s house. It turns out that she is a succubus who visited him in his sleep nine months ago. She says he’s the father of her child and wants to move in with him, get married, and raise the kid together. The problem is, he is already in love with another woman and has no intention of marrying this demon. But once her father, Satan himself, comes into the picture he realizes it’s not going to be so easy to get out of his responsibilities. Basically, this book will be kind of a fucked up version of a romantic comedy.
THE SUPER EVILS
Captain Explode-O wants more than anything to be the greatest superhero on Earth. Unfortunately, his super power is the ability to make babies explode. Captain Explode-O tries to use his powers for good, but once he explodes three babies in order to prevent a convenience store robbery he inadvertently becomes the nation’s most hated super villain. Depressed and riddled with guilt, he vows never to use his powers ever again…but he might not have a choice once The Super Evils — the most evil league of super villains this side of the planet — try to recruit him as their new leader.
There might be more books coming out in 2011, but we’ll have to wait and see. Sometimes I’ll drop everything to write something new.
On his blog today, bestselling horror writer Brian Keene, mentions my book Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland as one of his top ten reads of 2010.
This is what he has to say:
…this is one of Mellick’s best — and most accessible — works to date. In a post-apocalyptic future where people live in a socialist mega-city run by the McDonald’s Corporation, those who disobey are cast out into the wastelands, where they fall prey to marauding gangs of female werewolves. And with that wacky Bizarro premise, Mellick begins a fascinating and humorous examination of sexual politics and awakenings, consumption mindset, capitalism, gender separation, and dehumanization. The best Bizarro fiction always does this — examines social, political, and religious issues through a very cracked and surreal lens, but Mellick remains the top practitioner, and very rightfully so. If you still don’t understand what the Bizarro genre is about, or want to try reading it and aren’t sure where to begin, Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland is a great starting point.
For the rest of his top ten list, go here: http://www.briankeene.com/?p=5318.
"Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!"
—Christopher Moore
"Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talented practitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale."
—Cory Doctorow
CARLTON MELLICK III is an oafish gentleman with the stylishest of sideburns. He is one of the leading authors in the bizarro fiction genre—a booming underground movement that strives to bring weird, crazy, entertaining literature to the masses. Imagine a mixture of David Lynch, Dr. Suess, South Park, and Troma movies.
He lives in Portland, OR.
The Handsome Squirm
Franz Kafka's The Trial meets an erotic horror version of The Blob
Armadillo Fists
A weird-as-hell gangster story.
I Knocked Up Satan's Daughter
A demonic romantic comedy
Fantastic Orgy
One novella plus four short stories
Barbarian Beast Bitches of the Badlands
The sequel to Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland
The Morbidly Obese Ninja
He's a 700 pound killing machine
Crab Town
A bizarro bank heist set in a radioactive post-nuke ghetto
Zombies and Shit
Battle Royale meets Return of the Living dead
The Kobold Wizard's Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (an Adventure for 3-6 Players, Levels 2-5)
Dungeons and Dragons Adventure Porn!
Warrior Wolf Women of the Wasteland
Road Warrior werewolves vs. McDonaldland Mutants
The Cannibals of Candyland
an erotic horror novel set in Candyland
The Egg Man
dark, dystopian, ugly
The Faggiest Vampire
a bizarro children's book
Cybernetrix
two words: Tron sex
Apeshit
Friday the 13th meets Visitor Q
The Ultra Fuckers
Japanese punks in suburban hell
Adolf in Wonderland
Nazis go down the rabbit hole
Carlton Mellick III
