The Worst Idea Pitch Ever

This is a continuation of the Andre Duza story I mentioned yesterday. It features the absolute worst pitch I have ever read in my life. You’ve got to check it out.

In Andre’s words:

Mark Holdom offered me an option for the script, but John got a hold of it first and, thinking that MUF owned the script/movie rights, changed everything around giving them complete (and I mean complete) control. If you want an idea of what giving complete control to these guys would lead to, I offer Exhibit A. Just to give you a bit of backstory, Devil’s Due owns the rights (along with Universal) to the Chucky comic series based on the Child’s Play movies. When we met at San Diego ComiCon this past August, they (Devil’s Due) asked me if I’d be interested in pitching them a few ideas for a four- or-five story Chucky arc. Not exactly my cup of tea, but I sent them a few pitches anyway. John got wind of this and, since he owns me (in his mind), he went behind my back and offered up his own Chucky pitch that included characters from Hollow-Eyed Mary and other characters and real people associated with Devil’s Due. Now, John has never written a piece of fiction in his life. He runs a restaurant (that his family owns) along with his older brother, Jack. So, John then got a place out in LA and went to Devil’s Due’s LA office to ask for a job working on some of their titles and creating his own since he created Hollow-Eyed Mary. They, of course, shot him down.

Exhibit A is the pitch that John sent to Devil’s Due once he found out about the Chucky offer. I cut and pasted it verbatim from the original Word doc. I’m almost embarrassed to post this, but it’ll give everyone an idea about the kind of people I’m dealing with here.

Exhibit A:

THE HALLOWEEN HORROR HOTEL

It starts off on Halloween Night at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in NYC, A secret train comes onto the scene underground and underneath the Hotel, tracks were laid down years ago for secret transport of ex presidents to and from the Hotel. It’s been sealed and closed off for years but a super hacker and wizard (someone who is recognized in the underground hacker community) who works with Edward/Robert Banks aka Banksy, a graffiti artist entity, or Shepard Fairey, (whom ever attaches to the project) uses his skills to open up the tracks without Amtrak finding out. The train is full of clandestine style taggers who are movin in to graffiti bomb the hotel inside and out. Little do they know Hollow Eyed Mary is on top of the train car catching a ride in to do her own personal damage. In the Lobby of the Hotel there is a huge masquerade ball for all the high profile, political, buorgie and artsy types of our nation, with secret service all over the place and top level security cameras and posts all over the hotel except for the train station basement which was sealed years ago and is now supposedly abandoned. The super hacker gets into the camera system and allows the taggers to move around without being seen as they infiltrate to spread their political propaganda graffiti. Everytime u see a scene there is more and more graffiti like in the bathrooms or elevators, outside they hang from the roof on ropes, in hotel rooms and the lobby etc. The hacker loops the cameras in the elevators and such so that they can move around freely. In the Lobby, the dj is a high profile type like Mark Farina, Dj Tiesto, or even possibly the Beastie Boys, Who ever is doing the music is twisted and sinister like vampire bad boy and has somebody all gimped out and gagged in a cage underneath the dj booth and a crow is eating away at the poor tied up chump, he is the masters of ceremony and announces and gives shout outs to famous people and politicians dancing and he is working his magic on the mic to the crowds. On the dance floor and at the bar cool shit is goin on and politicians and all types are mingling and are doin drugs together in the bathrooms and the suicide girls seduce a guy and take him up to their room for a threesome and end up sucking the blood out of him. Clive Barker (Or someone prominent like him) is sweating and frieking out at the party, getting all claustrophobic and he goes up to his room , and there is a tagger outside the window looking in on him without bein seen and Clive turns into this crazy werewolf cause of the full moon and rips his own arm off starts beating himself with it and eats himself to death. All the while Hollow Eyed Mary is slayin secret service guys and politician types at the party . Then you could even have chuckie runnin around doin damage.There can even be a famous tattoo artist or an art or fashion show tied in to the party in the lobby. In the end the hotel is tagged up head to toe w political propaganda and most every body is dead and hollow eyed mary walks away hand in hand w chuckie and the suicide girls are strollin out w the dj vampire. And the train strolls away w the graffiti artists and news broadcast tell the world of the terror that occurred and life just goes on like it was just another day‚Ķ

It’s so terrible it hurts my brain.

13 Responses to “The Worst Idea Pitch Ever”

  1. Kevin Shamel Says:

    So bad it hurts my everything. What a bunch of jokers MUF is.

  2. Kate Daubert Says:

    Ummm….wow….jesus. This is so bad, I’m actually speechless.

  3. I suppose finding your terrible pitch posted to a genre blog is one way to discourage terrible pitches.

  4. I’m in shock. I didn’t think it could BE that bad….

  5. kldonihe Says:

    Unfortunate that Andre had to deal with all that stuff…

  6. This is really REALLY bad and it sucks that anyone would have to go through this…

  7. Alexander Jerusalem Says:

    Amazing that an adult mind could create something that miserable.

  8. Wow. Sounds like something a middle schooler would write

  9. Cameron Pierce Says:

    There are so many “What were they thinking?” moments in that pitch.

  10. william Says:

    my eyes bled while reading that, its so terrible.

  11. Philip Overby Says:

    Um, the part with Clive Barker turning into a werewolf and eating himself is pretty cool…

    Nah, I’m kidding.

  12. Sort of just degenerates into “And then more cool shit happened.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 106 other followers

%d bloggers like this: